USA
Hello SOTH - I am back in the USA - going to Mexico is always fun but I always realize it certainly is not like home. I think the most frustrating thing was my phone wouldn't work (mainly because of my carrier) and obtainingWIFI was difficult - what that did make me do though, was RELAX, DEEP BREATHE, AND stare at that ocean for 7 days. I find the ocean so healing and it is truly the only place I can just feel my stress leave so in saying that I enjoyed my time away. Lahti survived at the kennel but she was so excited to seer me which makes my heart skip a beat.
Jim and I had some interesting conversations - not going to go into them here except for one and only that one because you all will understand. I thought I was having a good time, relaxing, just enjoying the ocean and this "wise one" looked at me and said I will be so glad when the sadness I see in you is gone. That immediately brought tears to my eyes and off we go....me being quiet, because explaining myself doesn't seem to work and Jim talking, talking, talking, feeling so insecure because he can't FIX IT.... I am so tired of him trying to fix it....HE CAN'T....I have so many discussions with him and now I'm just quiet - it is what it is..... I sometimes look in the mirror not even recognizing me. I see the sadness in my eyes everyday regardless of how much mascara I wear.....it's my soul that hurts, wish he got it. wish he was more secure in himself to help me along this path. It's my journey, isn't it? I try, I do my best to participate in this life, I try...but some days life stops for me.. some days I'm more sad....exhausting....
It is so amazing to me how much I love this group and I really miss it when I'm not here - I miss you all when you are gone - Sending much love to you and giant hugs.....Vicki
Jim and I had some interesting conversations - not going to go into them here except for one and only that one because you all will understand. I thought I was having a good time, relaxing, just enjoying the ocean and this "wise one" looked at me and said I will be so glad when the sadness I see in you is gone. That immediately brought tears to my eyes and off we go....me being quiet, because explaining myself doesn't seem to work and Jim talking, talking, talking, feeling so insecure because he can't FIX IT.... I am so tired of him trying to fix it....HE CAN'T....I have so many discussions with him and now I'm just quiet - it is what it is..... I sometimes look in the mirror not even recognizing me. I see the sadness in my eyes everyday regardless of how much mascara I wear.....it's my soul that hurts, wish he got it. wish he was more secure in himself to help me along this path. It's my journey, isn't it? I try, I do my best to participate in this life, I try...but some days life stops for me.. some days I'm more sad....exhausting....
It is so amazing to me how much I love this group and I really miss it when I'm not here - I miss you all when you are gone - Sending much love to you and giant hugs.....Vicki
Replies
Love & Welcome Home, Vicki!
Glad you\'re back safe & sound...
Love,
Donna
Vicki, so happy for your restful vacation. You have hit the nail on the head, Jim wants to fix it and he can\'t. I think all the men want to do this, I think it is their nature. Can\'t live with them and can\'t live without them. Ha ha. Peace, Kathy
Vicki, Being brave about how you feel is so brave. And hard. My husband and I don\'t talk about Max much...I want to, but it\'s too hard for him. Even after almost years. As you say, it is what it is. Aren\'t we lucky to have our SOTH with whom we can say - and BE - just as we are!
Gari
Nobody really \"gets it\"unless they\'ve lived it the way we Mothers live itAll we can do is brace ourselves, against the \"trying to be helpful\" -yet irritating to us expressions -of those that cannot understand our \"not getting over it\"\"Patience\" is needed on this journeynot only for ourselves but toward others- due to the frustrating things others say to us! Hang in there! Love, Donna
Welcome home dear Vicki, and even the best of relationships are certainly stretched and strained beyond measure after such a tragic loss. I remember envisioning a figure 8 where my husband and I would go out into our own circles to grieve and hopefully, come into the center of the circle to BE together, whether we were sitting in silence, sharing, crying... Just sharing some oxygen when we could however it took shape.
I know how the ocean feels for me and I\'m happy you could enjoy it. Hoping that your re-entry will be a gentle one.
Love to your darling Jennifer and for her forever mom,
XO Joanie
Yes, this pain and sadness is a part of who we are now. No way we can ever go back to who we were before. I guess it is part of forever love! xxx
I am so glad, that you got away for awhile. It does the soul good, just to relax and reflect. You are right, about how nobody really \"gets it\", except our sisters, here on FMO. It is truly my lifeline. I love to stare into the ocean and listen to the sounds of the waves crashing on the rocks, but my favorite place to be is in the mountains. I will need to take a trip soon, to refresh my soul...
Welcome back. There is a light beyond the sadness. I look for it when I see your pictures. I think we moms, are so used to the sadness in each other, that we can see beyond it in others. I love you, Lauri
I am glad it was mostly a good trip. Men do try to fix it; men and women are just different. I think most of us have a sadness and that is the way it is, just as you say...
Oh Vicki! I hear you. Men just want to fix it and our grief is not fixable. It took a few year for Joe to realize that the best way to help me was by giving me a hug.
I too feel at peace by the ocean. We are going to Vancouver for a week next month (hopefully Joe will be well by then).
I am so glad you found FMO. Heck I am thankful every day that I found FMO.
Tight hugs,
Marlene
Glad you were able to get away - there\'s nothing like being by the sea in all it\'s glory. Of course, being in Indiana that doesn\'t come around so much! I think men just grieve differently, hold things in more and aren\'t so able to address these things the way we do. And it\'s impossible to fix what really can\'t be fixed. My husband is totally clueless - but I know he loved David and misses him terribly, so I try to give him a pass. Not always easy, either. If I was younger and independently wealthy, I might not! Joanna x
It takes a while for men to get it. My hubby knows he cannot fix me. It used to be the first words out of my mouth, \" don\'t fix it just listen only\" he finally heard those words after 100 or more times. He has gone more introverted than he used to be, I think this is because of his medical problem. He doesn\'t hear or respond or maybe just ignores the whole thing....
It is always good to get away and better to get home. I hope your trip was good for you.
Hugs
Penny