Urghhhhhhhhhhhh
I have had enough
Enough of negotiating with all my family
Enough of staying calm, while watching everyone around me, shout, scream, get aggressive.. Lose the plot, cause drama......
Urghhhhhhh
My sisters kid is still with me.....behaving well and nice and calm......but refusing point blank to speak to her mum or to go home
My sister, the mum, is acting crazy, emotionally hurt by her kid, crying, shouting, hanging up on me when I ring up for my nieces clothes,
I didn't ask my niece to run away to me
I'm not stopping her mum from collecting her
My mother who lives with this sister, has now taken a very bad turn in her health-which is terrible anyway-auto immune disease,diabetes, high blood pressure, liver problems....you name it, she really does have it.. But she's weepy and in need....and the pressure of juggling badly behaved adults, distressed kids and my poor sick dog,,,,? Talk about timing! He's got a head collar thing on and has torn 3 of the pads on his paws....no blame...but he was with my mum when it happened... Urgh....and he needs medicines 3 times a day......and it all adds to the pressure pot!!!
My head hurts
Enough of negotiating with all my family
Enough of staying calm, while watching everyone around me, shout, scream, get aggressive.. Lose the plot, cause drama......
Urghhhhhhh
My sisters kid is still with me.....behaving well and nice and calm......but refusing point blank to speak to her mum or to go home
My sister, the mum, is acting crazy, emotionally hurt by her kid, crying, shouting, hanging up on me when I ring up for my nieces clothes,
I didn't ask my niece to run away to me
I'm not stopping her mum from collecting her
My mother who lives with this sister, has now taken a very bad turn in her health-which is terrible anyway-auto immune disease,diabetes, high blood pressure, liver problems....you name it, she really does have it.. But she's weepy and in need....and the pressure of juggling badly behaved adults, distressed kids and my poor sick dog,,,,? Talk about timing! He's got a head collar thing on and has torn 3 of the pads on his paws....no blame...but he was with my mum when it happened... Urgh....and he needs medicines 3 times a day......and it all adds to the pressure pot!!!
My head hurts
Replies
Sorry to hear about your woes .... especially your Mom (Mum?)
Ok, things getting convoluted here. Do you have \"chat\" ? Meebo offers it now, but if you\'re on your iPad thing.
Would like to talk with you about the dog. Is he with you or your mother? Ah, head collar thing: Lampshade/Flashlight Head Collar of Death. Right. Gotcha. Tore his pads? OMG! What happened? Poor Baby!
Yes, stress is really bad for all of us, especially someone afflicted with so many health issues. But you cannot be responsible for how your Mother Chooses to respond to those stressors. Right?
And you cannot control your sister\'s freak out thing.
So: Focus here & now. You\'ve got a kid who is 12 years old. Can she wear some of your daughter\'s clothes (are they the same size?) while she stays with you. Try to avoid contacting anyone. If they need, they\'ll call you.
Kid got her way, so of course she\'s calm now. And feeling quite empowered if the adults around her are freaking out. She is sitting back & looking at the show -- knowing it\'s all about her. This is called \"Negative Attention Seeking.\"
I would tune down the drama in front of her. Get her busy watching a movie, TV, doing something with your daughter. Don\'t call your sister. If she calls you, try to keep your responses brief, unemotional, detached. Don\'t give this little 12 year old any more power.
You can do it!
Oh I hope you are ok! What a lot on your plate! Good advice from Amelah. You need to take time out from the drama by detaching as much as possible mentally and emotionally. I agree, avoid phone calls. Do not listen to blame calling or anything of that ilke. Take a day at a time at the moment. xx
I agree with Pitstop! :-D We\'ve got your back, kiddo! ((Hugs))
Hi, sorry can\'t get \'chat\' on this iPad...it\'s the old version....hopefully my laptop will be fixed soon! My dog is with me but goes to my mum (to keep her company, she\'s very fond of the dog) when I\'m at work. She took the dog out with two of her grand children (he\'s a springer spaniel) and let them blow bubbles for him to jump and chase over a period of about an hour! Might sound good but it isn\'t sensible at all....it was on Tarmac, so all that jumping very energetically at strange angles could have done some serious damage to him. Mums mental health is beginning to go....so if the kids were happy and the dog was wagging it\'s tail....she wouldn\'t have realised.....the dog tore 3 of it\'s pads on his paws and is on pain killers, anti biotics and a special soak...
I think my mum has now realised the mistake she made... I haven\'t said anything....she\'s really ill right now.
My mum loves the dog and taking it for little walks is the only real social interaction and physical exercise (she\'s very over weight) she has.
Thanks for your support guys
It feels crazy here.
I\'m appearing very calm but underneath I\'m \'rattled\' and \'shaken\'... Just seen my niece off to school.
I went and got her uniform as she goes to a different school than my daughter.
My sister just keeps saying she doesn\'t know what to do
I keep (calmly) saying she just needs to make decisions... These can be temporary but she needs to appear \'the adult\' and \'in control\' of the situation.
Instead she keeps ranting, crying and stomping out of the room...
Her daughter has decided that she (on top on the long list of other things) can\'t stand the way her mum looks.....so, when we popped in to collect school shoes and books this morning my sister stood in the door way wrapped only in a towel, hair in knots-standing on end....and I just felt my niece \'cringe\' as we went in.
Such little things....very fixable, if they weren\'t both so stubborn.
My sister and mum (who live there) just won\'t admit what a crazy house hold it is. My mum and sister don\'t get on at all.....they argue and fight all the time....they put each other down,moan,....it\'s just a \'hell hole\'
They\'re both codependent on each other
Mums biggest fear is to live alone
My sister is lazy, so enjoys mum acting as \'house keeper\' to her and the kids, while she works
But the house is a big middle class house, lots of bedrooms, bathrooms....but every room is in chaos
Mum has never been able to look after anyone or a household
It\'s miserable and angry......
My niece is super bright
She\'s figured out it\'s better anywhere but there....where both her mother and grandmother live their lives through her successes ... Her musical and academic achievements... How they boast about them but don\'t give her the environment or help she needs. In the house of chaos she gets the top grade in a year group of over 120 kids.....she gets to be the first kid of her age (when she was younger) to be asked to join the schools orchestra
Yep, she achieves against all odds
I\'m sick of watching my two nieces lives get screwed up
But I can\'t save them, when I haven\'t even saved myself yet
That household is a \"mess\" as my bff would say. No wonder your niece can\'t take it. She needs stability & structure, not narcissistic in-house fighting.
By the way, you handled your sister most admirably, even if you felt yourself trembling on the inside. Excellent advice to her: \"I keep (calmly) saying she just needs to make decisions... These can be temporary but she needs to appear \'the adult\' and \'in control\' of the situation.\"
Perfect. You are demonstrating to her how she should behave, by your own example to her. Congratulations! Well Done! Not easy when dealing with crazy makers who thrive on drama drama drama.
So sorry about the poor pup. Hopefully in good hands now. I think it\'s only fair that your mom knows, so she doesn\'t do anything that will stress his paws more.
You said she\'s really ill right now ... so sorry to hear of this.
You can role model to your nieces. That \"fake it til you make it\" routine. Rescuing? no. But being there for them? sure. And you\'re in the process of saving yourself. You are here.
((Hugs))
Yes, I agree with Amelah. sounds like you are a pretty good, stable influence on your niece. The negative attention getting I see lots in my grandaughters. It\'s awful if it causes you to react(which is what they want) Stay strong and calm and provide \'positive\' stuff for them. Doesn\'t appear at times to be working but believe me, they are taking it in. I can do this with my daughters and grand daughters but can\'t deal with my partner, sheesh.
Good luck and hugs to you
Thank you guys....I feel your support and advice and it really helps! I\'m missing having a partner today.. Someone who loves me, could give me a hug.. God, I\'m weary