Urges
I am tired. Very very tired. I am tired of of urges, the nightmares, the disappointment, the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the sadness. It seems as if this will never go away. Here I am, on my 15th week without cutting, and it is as difficult as ever. I could write a book on why I think the urges are getting so bad. The one thing I hold on to is the fear of hiding the scars if I don't quit for good. I went swimming for the first time in over a year on Saturday with my really good guy friend Zack. It was hard though because I looked kind of weird with a pair of spandex shorts under my one piece and a skirted swim suit bottom over the top of my shorts and one piece. I wanted to make sure that my horrendous scars would not be seen. I thought about just wearing my one piece and being open about my scars, but I decided against it. My reasoning is that I want Zack to know the real me, and my scars are not part of who I really am now. My scars belong to the girl I used to be. Unfortunately, they continue to stick around, as red as ever even over a year later with scar stuff applied every day. It's frustrating.
Replies
i know how you feel about being tired. i feel that way too. and the swimming issue is such a drag. but it\'s good you found a way around it. and i like what you said about your scars not being part of who you are. i think more people need to realize that. we aren\'t our disease. i hope things get better for you soon. *hugs*
my scar stuff isn\'t working as well, even though it\'s been a good 2 months. They have faded slightly, but i\'m thinking they will be stuck there forever. However i guess i deserve that, and i can learn to deal with them. hopefully yours will work over time! it\'s good that you went swimming, i hope that you had fun! and you shouldn\'t worry about how you looked, that\'s so unimportant lol, cause you for sure always look good.
Give the urges and stuff time, for the most part. To some degree you will always have them but not nearly as bad. A good friend of mine hasn\'t cut in a year and a bit, and she still gets urges, but not nearly that bad anymore. So just be patient, it all doesn\'t come overnight.
anyways this comment is now pleanty long enough!!
HUGS!