Updates

Addiction/compulsion is not an easy thing to overcome. Especially when people disregard porn addiction as not something real.

I am still in the early stages in recovery. I have had no desire to look at porn or masturbate. I try to fill my time with more meaningful activities. 

My wife and I are in this together thankfully. Despite the hurt I've caused in this marriage, she's still here and willing to work towards a better marriage. That's what brings me here today, I am lazy, and unmotivated at many things in life. I think that causes extra stress and would cause me to go back to porn because then I don't have to think about it for a while. 

I admire anyone who is able to recover on their own, I know I am not one of those people. My wife an I have spoken to a counselor, I am seeking out one who deals with addiction, we have been reading a book together about porn addiction which as shined a light on things and brought in different perspectives. I am a selfish person who has been secretive and deceptive about the things I find shameful. But in order to heal and move on and make the change to be a better person that I want to be, my shame has come to light and I am not alone in it. 

I am grateful for everyday that is not giving into my addiction.