Update so far...trial day
Ok, I have an update. His hearing/court/trial thingie (sorry for not knowing exactly what its called, I am not familar with our system) was this morning at 8:30. I don't know the results yet, because I haven't heard from him directly, only through the grapevine. (The administrator told me I could call later to get results) His own parents have not heard. They called me this morning, very worried. I wish the police could keep us better informed, but I know they must be busy. I did get a message relayed from him though. He wants me to go to one of his crackhead friends house, get his phone numbers notebook in order to call his birthfather, and then ask his birthfather to bail him out. While even I know this is stupid and I will not do it, I feel so unsettled. Weird. So I decided to list the reasons here I will not do as he asked: 1. His friend is a very unstable addict. I have seen him get loud and violent and I feel unsafe going there. Being a 5 foot tall female only increases my worry as I could easily be taken advantage of. 2. His birth father is a drug dealer, which is why he has $. I do not want a close friend of mine, no matter how much he hurt me, to be in debt to a drug dealer. I don't want his father to be able to control and influence him if he does get released. Also, His father is a penny pincher and I doubt he would bail him, but I don't want to notify his birthparents to their sons wereabouts, considering they are a part of the problem. 3. I don't know if being out is the best thing for him. Since I have been unable to talk to him, I dont even know if he even feels bad about what he has done or if he just wants out because he has been caught. When I talked to him saturday, he seemed upset, but not too concerned because they told he may be out by christmas. It seems that has changed since now he wants his dad to bail him. He may be getting antsy, which may be a good thing. Those are all good reasons, and yet I still feel bad...why?
Replies
Because you\'re human and you have feelings. However, it would be best if you learned how to control them and shut them down when it concerns him. You should have no future reports regarding him, if you really would like to get on with your life. No further contact, no court information or police reporting is going to solve anything nor resolve any future pain. Let all your curiousness go the way of the drug, like a puff of smoke. Be Blessed. BrotherRoy
Girl, you need to stop being involved- it will only lead to you getting used or hurt. His parents should not call you to see what is happening- he is not your responsibility. Remember, I was in your exact shoes at your age. I did NOT accept any calls from jail, and I did NOT respond to any letters from jail where they proclaim to have \"found God\" and want to change their ways. Your ex needs to be just that- your ex. Let him find his own way. You are still attached and you have not set any safe boundaries for yourself. It is the holidays- you don\'t need to spend time on him. Spend it with your family and ask them to help you stay away if you are close to them. We will help you here, but you have to make a choice and stick with it. While you are still attached, you will not be open to meeting other people -maybe a nice guy...
I figured something out a long time ago when I was 19 and had the boyfriend that became an addict: the odds were that even if he did not become an addict, we would not have stayed together because we were young, and breakups are common at that age. At 19, we are usually too young to have found our lifetime partner. Don\'t worry about his addiction- you may have grown apart for other reasons and broke up anyway. People will respect you if you are strong and make a good decision for yourself to get rid of the addict and his problems. Do you think your parents are happy you are attached to a guy who doesn\'t treat you like a queen? do You want to have kids with someone like him? I\'m sure you don\'t. There are plenty of cute, good guys who do not have addiction problems. Dating is hard sometimes, but can be fun too!
Please stop talking to him. We all know it will be hard, but in the end, it is the best thing for you.
I agree with most everything LACat123 has said. Although, A \"recovering\" addict is someone who could be a good father, husband and friend. I\'ve seen it done. But you do need to seperate yourself from him so he can hit his rock bottom. No more calls, investigating and contact period. God Bless and keep safe.