update: losing my mind again?

after my mother found me crying on my floor today and i spent an hour refusing to speak and not moving my eyes from the floor and pinching my wrist repeatedly, she ran downstairs and checked the calendar. sure enough, it was my dad's birthday this week. that explains the urges and the flashbacks and the dissociation and the food problems i've been having. it's such a relief to know what's going on but that doesn't make it any easier to get through this period. i just need to get a handle on reality and hope my mom is able to stop nitpicking and yelling at me for at least a few days while i come back from this.