Update from yesterday

Blah...I've been soooo exhausted.And not to mention soooo irritable. I'm a smoker, so since finding out I was pregnant, I  have not had a cigerette and do not plan on it either. But wow, it is SO hard. Especially because I am so stressed out. Phew...so that's that. Chas comes home tomorrow, THANKFULLY. It's been almost 2 weeks since he left for Florida and I miss him so much. I just need his support as well, I think it will make things a lot easier to be with him. So he is going to come to my house and spend new years eve with me, which will be nice. So he'll be back around 5 or 6 and then come here.  Speaking of new years, I think I'm definitely going to have to think of a good resolution to start changing the way I live. I can't just sit around my house anymore and do nothing and contribute nothing to the house. My mom does so much for me, and I really want to help out.I'm just not sure how I'm going to do that. I mean, my anxiety is still there and it makes it very hard on me to get a job. But, I have to figure something out. OH and New Years Day is Dakotas birthday!!! She's going to be one! Awww =] My mom and I had a conversation today about me being pregnant. I told her that I think it's best that we don't tell anyone about it for right now. I mean, in a way, it's a little embarressing for me because I don't know what my family will think. Especially my dad, oh wow, I don't even want to THINK about that! It's so weird, my mom actually had a dream that she had this rabbit, and it ended up dying in her care. She went out to eat with her friend Karl, and he told her that someone that she knows must be pregnant, and he kind of laughed about it. There's this OLD thing they did in the olden days where they would inject the possible pregnant womens urine into a rabbit and it the rabbit died then the woman was pregnant, WEIRD I know lol...here's proof: http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/rabbit.asp  LOL.  SOOO this was before I told her about it...I just definitely found that so ironic that her friend said that lol. Also she told me today that she thinks I'm going to have a girl haha. She also said that about Joshua...actually everyone thought I was going to have a girl before, except me. I still am hoping for a boy haha.  This is crazy, I'm going to be having a baby!!! I actually feel excitment!! But I'm still scared and worried. Joshua is going to have a little brother or sister =] I hope he's looking down on me and happy for his Mommy. This child will in no way replace my son, and I miss him terribly. He will always be my first child. I love him SO SO much. Today I felt so so...I had some anxiety today. I kind of had the same problem that I did the last time I was pregnant. After eating a meal I would feel TONS of anxiety and feel like I was going to have a panic attack. *sigh* I just have to deal with it. Wow this has been long...I'm done for now! OH, and my mood is changed to.....OK! Haha FOR ONCE!!!!