Update and Green Smiley Monday
Hi everyone,
I am starting to emerge from the valley I have been stuck in for a couple of weeks. The good news I want to share is that on May 9th my granddaughter Christina had her 2nd daughter by C-Section and both mama & baby are healthy. She named her Aiyva (prounounced like the more traditional spelling Ava).
My downward spiral began that day. As many of you know my grandchildren, Joshua & Christina are Eddie's children. While I have a good relationship overall with their mom, Elaine, there have been times that it has been strained. I will not go into what ended their relationship but Elaine hurt my son and then for many years made Ed believe they would reconcile. I cannot blame Elaine entirely; Ed clearly had a soft spot for her. The last year of his life he had moved on. He was dating a woman named Tina and was having fun.
Christina had asked me 6 months ago to watch her other daughter Iysabella while she had her C-Section since she would be in the hospital for 4 days. I agreed, happily and took May 9th through the 11th off from work. Christina still lives with her mom but Elaine was not the one Christina asked to watch Iysabella. As soon as the new baby was born Elaine said she wanted to have Iysabella stay with her some of the time. As I said to Elaine, "pick her up whenever or come over but I think she needs to sleep in the same bed for the 4 nights for consistency." Elaine said nothing then proceeded to tell Christina I wouldn't let her take the baby. So Christina told me on Wednesday, in no uncertain terms that, "Mom wants to take Iysabella Thursday night and I said she could." I said, "That's fine but for the baby's comfort then she needs to sleep at mom's Friday night too". This baby is confused with her daddy in & out of her life, a new baby & now bouncing from house to house. I felt this is unacceptable and nothing but a power play on Elaine's part. Iysabella lives with her, so its not that she could possibly be missing her that much & we live a mile apart! Then I was "used" to provide child care when Elaine worked from 4pm to 8pm on Thursday, then she picked up Iysabella after work to go & sleep at her house. I also provided child care all day Saturday while Elaine worked.This is typical of Elaine who is an instigator. I refuse to feed into her nonsense so I went along with what Christina wanted but I wouldn't have taken 3 days of vacation and baby proofed my house & purchased all of Iysabella's favorite foods had I known she as only going to be staying one day. This all happening a couple of days before Mother's Day sent me into a downward spiral. I have known my grandchildren would align more closely with Elaine & her side of the family when Ed died and that is certainly the case. Even though Elaine has had tantrums and threw Christina, her BF and Iysabella out when Iysabella was 6 days old & I had to bring them all to my house at midnight. Christina & Josh walk on eggshells with Elaine because she is angry & unpredictable but with me, because I stay calm they feel that they can always put their mom's feelings/demands first.
But it is what it is. I think the timing was rough coz it was right before Mother's day. And work has been increasingly stressful. I am a social work manager and I work with other managers who do not do their share & often I end up doing their work and running the whole school. I go in early & leave late constantly, especially every Friday when the other manager's love to leave early or don't come in at all. I have applied for a social work position in another department. It is a significant pay cut, but I will just work with families who have open cases with the child protective agency here in Massachusetts and I will not longer manage, supervise or run a whole school with 300 kids. This is controlling what I can in my life and hopefully having the wisdom to recognize what I cannot change. (thank you, Serenity Prayer).
Well again, thank you for listening. I will post pics of the new baby soon and will keep you posted about the new job.
May today be a green smiley for you.
Love & peace, Linda
I am starting to emerge from the valley I have been stuck in for a couple of weeks. The good news I want to share is that on May 9th my granddaughter Christina had her 2nd daughter by C-Section and both mama & baby are healthy. She named her Aiyva (prounounced like the more traditional spelling Ava).
My downward spiral began that day. As many of you know my grandchildren, Joshua & Christina are Eddie's children. While I have a good relationship overall with their mom, Elaine, there have been times that it has been strained. I will not go into what ended their relationship but Elaine hurt my son and then for many years made Ed believe they would reconcile. I cannot blame Elaine entirely; Ed clearly had a soft spot for her. The last year of his life he had moved on. He was dating a woman named Tina and was having fun.
Christina had asked me 6 months ago to watch her other daughter Iysabella while she had her C-Section since she would be in the hospital for 4 days. I agreed, happily and took May 9th through the 11th off from work. Christina still lives with her mom but Elaine was not the one Christina asked to watch Iysabella. As soon as the new baby was born Elaine said she wanted to have Iysabella stay with her some of the time. As I said to Elaine, "pick her up whenever or come over but I think she needs to sleep in the same bed for the 4 nights for consistency." Elaine said nothing then proceeded to tell Christina I wouldn't let her take the baby. So Christina told me on Wednesday, in no uncertain terms that, "Mom wants to take Iysabella Thursday night and I said she could." I said, "That's fine but for the baby's comfort then she needs to sleep at mom's Friday night too". This baby is confused with her daddy in & out of her life, a new baby & now bouncing from house to house. I felt this is unacceptable and nothing but a power play on Elaine's part. Iysabella lives with her, so its not that she could possibly be missing her that much & we live a mile apart! Then I was "used" to provide child care when Elaine worked from 4pm to 8pm on Thursday, then she picked up Iysabella after work to go & sleep at her house. I also provided child care all day Saturday while Elaine worked.This is typical of Elaine who is an instigator. I refuse to feed into her nonsense so I went along with what Christina wanted but I wouldn't have taken 3 days of vacation and baby proofed my house & purchased all of Iysabella's favorite foods had I known she as only going to be staying one day. This all happening a couple of days before Mother's Day sent me into a downward spiral. I have known my grandchildren would align more closely with Elaine & her side of the family when Ed died and that is certainly the case. Even though Elaine has had tantrums and threw Christina, her BF and Iysabella out when Iysabella was 6 days old & I had to bring them all to my house at midnight. Christina & Josh walk on eggshells with Elaine because she is angry & unpredictable but with me, because I stay calm they feel that they can always put their mom's feelings/demands first.
But it is what it is. I think the timing was rough coz it was right before Mother's day. And work has been increasingly stressful. I am a social work manager and I work with other managers who do not do their share & often I end up doing their work and running the whole school. I go in early & leave late constantly, especially every Friday when the other manager's love to leave early or don't come in at all. I have applied for a social work position in another department. It is a significant pay cut, but I will just work with families who have open cases with the child protective agency here in Massachusetts and I will not longer manage, supervise or run a whole school with 300 kids. This is controlling what I can in my life and hopefully having the wisdom to recognize what I cannot change. (thank you, Serenity Prayer).
Well again, thank you for listening. I will post pics of the new baby soon and will keep you posted about the new job.
May today be a green smiley for you.
Love & peace, Linda
Replies
What a rotten situation! I will never understand why people manipulate and knowingly hurt other people.
I hope you get the other job. Money isn\'t everything. Social work is draining and the last thing you need is to be doing other people\'s work as well as your own.
Thank God for the Serenity Prayer. It has grounded me many times over the years. In fact Lisa cross stitched a cushion for me with it on. I treasure it.
I hope this week is brighter for you.
Big gentle hugs for you and Ed.
Marlene
Congratulations on the new great-granddaughter Linda.
Elaine sounds a lot like Jason\'s wife Sonija instigating trouble.
You sure do a lot at your job. I would love to say that you need to take it easier but I know that you are too devoted to let the work slide even though others seem to do that.
Love to you Linda and blessings to Ed. He lives on in his children and grandchildren.
My heavens! Rude, disrespectful, and totally uncalled for! Bad enough anytime....but at Mothers Day!!! For pete\'s sake!!!
There are certain situations which can hender us from doing/saying what we\'d really like to...and boy does it get frustrating. Only you know what you can put up with, and for how long, and whether it\'s worth it to you or not.
So glad we have this forum to come and vent and cry and be heard. You are heard! You are loved! You are being held up and sent loving, positive energy~~Teri.
congratulations on the new, and I am sure, beautiful great granddaughter !
That said, please don\'t let them take advantage of your good nature.. You are a social worker and I know us social service types, we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of because we see all sides of an issue and are generally mild mannered and even keeled...
Hugs, MaryLou
Congradulations on the new baby....oh what we go through,,,we are always there for our kids, no matter what...Kudos to you!! love and ((hugs))
I still don\'t know the name of the school my grandson is at. There is no way to win with controlling people, just do your own thing, be available, and let Mom set the rules her way. NOT the grandmother, but the legally responsible Mother. so sorry we have conflicts with the people our sons related to. Glad you are controlling what you can in your own lifel so smart. Love, abby
Linda, that just purely SUCKS. I so understand your position as you know, I am in a similar situation having to keep my tongue tied when I would like to just fly into my former DIL. BUT for the sake of a child...Natalie....and not even my blood relation...but still intimately connected because of Brandon...I keep it shut. WE do what we must for the children whom we love. Ed would admire your perseverance and ability to overlook the manipulation of his ex for the well-being of his children and grandchildren. God has put you in the midst of this situation for obvious reasons. I applaud you.
I do hate that you must contend with the immaturity and selfishness of this woman. I pray that things will be better for you soon. I, too, know the feeling of being \"used\" by Natalie\'s mother but I welcome Nat when I can have her and know that one day she will see her own mother for what she really is. (I refrain from using the language that applies here....@#$^&)
I have been thinking of the Serenity Prayer a lot lately since it applies to life and death in a very big way.....we have no control over either....we must accept it. SO very hard to do. My heart is with you as you face the challenges of life....and of work and all things in between. It is a difficult life but with Christ we can do all things!! I pray for strength and inner peace for you.....and many days with your grandchildren and great grandchildren.....and CONGRATS on the new little one. Love and Brandon bear hugs...dale, brandon\'s mom
Good to hear that you are beginning to re-emerge into a semblance of peace and hope. Man ~ what a lousy situation with Elaine and so unfair and confusing for the two little ones. I had no idea Christina was expecting another baby ~ perhaps it would be good for her and her boyfriend to take a breather?
Just keep doing what you do so well ~ be there to help pick up the pieces when and if necessary, keep Elaine at arms\' length and avoid conflict that will hurt the kids, remember the Serenity Prayer as Dale says, and love, love, love ~ as we love YOU!
Deep breath in/deep breath out.
Thinking of you with much love and big tight hugs of reassurance and comfort ~ Debbie
Congratulations on the new baby, that is always a blessing. Much Love Gail
congratulations on your new grand child. to bad about your relationship with Eddies x wife. and alot of times you put up with stuff from the x because those are your only sons children and you want to be part of there lives. sad situation. i worked for Alameda County Social Services in the child protective dept i was the unit supervisor over the clerks.. in Ca. We did not have alot of social workers and alot of those children fell through the cracks very sad. Life is tough hang in there just be kind like you are with Elaine I know it is tough but Ed,s kids need you in their lives. well try to get some rest when you get home from that job. iI know when I worked for the county i would be so tired when I got off. I worked long hours hated it. Glad I,am retired soooo nice. ok have to run bless your angel lots of love and strength Mary Ann
Congratulations on a beautiful new gift of life dear Linda. More to love and to welcome into your heart. That is just the best.
I am so sorry that things went down as they did and what you always give to your family is a constant sense of love and support. I will never understand how the squeaky one always seems to get the grease and Elaine does sound like she\'s in that controlling mode. Deep sigh...
Loving care always dear Linda and hope that if that job change is to be yours that it will happen. I\'m sorry about the pay cut yet sometimes the peace of mind is far more worth it, isn\'t it? Keep us posted.
Your heart is so BIG and your family will always know where to find the LOVE.
Tight hugs dear friend and hope too that Ken continues to be on the mend and always thinking of handsome Ed.
XO Joanie
I\"m with the crowd here: thank goodness for the serenity prayer! Your calm perspective must be baffling for people who cannot even imagine finding their soul\'s center. You know yours.
And yet of course, even as you mutter the words, it WILL be upsetting and stressful to be used and jerked back and forth, and most of all to worry about the confusion imposed on a little girl you love so much.
But the love... the love will get us through. I am grateful on behalf of each person in your family that you are who you are. : )
And I have had a very blue month too. Let\'s hope for less wobble in the weeks ahead.
xoxoxo Sarah
Looking forward to baby pics posting!
Thinking of you and your family with love, prayers, and hugs.
Congrats on the new baby, I hope she fills your heart wtih joy.