It has been a while since I have been on here to post anything. I have been dealing with alot of things in the last few months with myself and my kids. Things just have been going all over the place I am trying to get it all under control the best that I can right now.

I have been worried about my oldest child with the way that he has been acting. He has been very angry about things and i am trying to get him help before he hurts himeself or his brother or sister. I took him to see an np to see if he needed meds and to see if she could get him into therapy at the place i want him to go to. She said that he is depressed and put him on antidepressants to see if that will help him out some. She also got him in for an intake in a month to see what kind of help he needs or what will need to be done to get him help. He is also homeschooled because he was failing in public school and the school failed him to get him help that he needed in school with math and english. I am trying to get him some help and he sees the tutor at the school he goes to but he is still having trouble understanding things with math and english. We are all trying to get him to understand his school work so that he dont fall behind anymore.

My middle child is special needs. He also has ADHD, anxiety, speech delay, learning disability and almost legaly blind in one eye. He has been wearing glasses since he was 2 years old. He is good in school, smart and loves math. He gets speech therapy every week and also in school everyday. He has done ABA therapy for about 7 months and passed out of that a few months ago. He is also on the spectrum and has melt downs some times. He is on meds for his ADHD and for his anxiety. They just changed his anxiety med bc the one he was on wasnt working anymore and the new one has been working good so far. He hasnt had a melt down in almost a week since he started the new med.

My baby, my daughter, is fine for the most part. When I was at the doctor appt with my oldest to see if he needed meds, the np said that she was seeing signs of her having ADHD too. She is almost 3 years old. ADHD runs in my family. My kids are the 4th generation to have ADHD. She is full of life and never seems to slow down lol. She is my little princess.

I have found someone that means alot to me. We have been together for almost 6 months now. He works nights but we still manage to spend time together each week. He mainly comes here to my place bc of my kids and its easier for him to come here. Some times he stays the night when my younger two kids are at their dad house so that we can spend more time together. He helps me with my anxiety and depression and helps try to keep me calmed when I am upset. I love him alot and he is great with my kids. My kids like him alot too. We are taking things one day at a time with all that i am going through right now. I am really glad that I have a good man in my life right now. After what I have been through with past relationships its a nice change to have someone that really cares about me and shows it as much as he can.

I went to see the np and she is treating my ADHD, for the first time ever. No one has ever treated me for having ADHD before, never. I have only been treated for anxiety and depression and one time for bipolar. A little over a year ago I was told that I have bipolar depression. The doctor put me on two meds for that and my anxiety. I would go to therapy sessions but the place was a ways away. So I would stop going after a few times. I am trying to find a new place to go to for therapy that is closer that I can go and will stay going to. But if nothing else i will stay on my meds and just what I can do for myself at home. I write all the time to get things off my mind and so that i am not thinking about things all the time and to keep my mind from going all over the place. I still find myself thinking about things that happened years ago and it makes me upset all over again when i think about it. Writing about it sometimes help. I also have taken up the adult coloring and color to help with my stress and depression. I have so many books to pick from to color and a good amount of coloring supplies. Its really the only thing that I buy myself anymore. My mom and bf thinks i have too much coloring stuff but i dont think that I have alot, lol. I am also coming up on 2 years of when i quit smoking. I started vaping and after 2 days of vaping i put down cigs and havent picked them up once since then. I started out at a high level of nicotine, 36mg, and now at a low level of nicotine, 6mg. I have had to buy several set ups for one reason or another. But I still wouldnt go back to smoking cigs again, ever. My dad was always on my case about smoking and now that i am vaping the only thing that he says is that he dont want me to do it in his house bc he dont want to smell it, lol. But it is what it is really. I am proud that I quit smoking and i feel better for doing that too. Just wish my mom would put down cigs again. She did for a while but then was under so much stres with something that was going on that the vap wasnt enough for her and she went back to smoking. She still had her old set up and i had to use it for a while till i was able to get a new set up bc the one i had broke and then after i got a new one she gave it to my baby sister for her to use when she went home bc her bf didnt like her smoking and she thought that since it didnt cost her any money other then buying juice that he would be ok with it But i dont know how that went down after she left here from her visit.

I have also trying to change a few things in my life for the better. I drink alot of mt dew. well I went to the store a week ago to buy groceries and i got some crystal like drink mix that makes half gallon at a time. I drink a couple of cokes in the morning but then when i go to eat dinner, i drink only crsytal light or water from then till i go to bed. Since I have been doing it for a week now, thats about 4 cokes that i am not drinking a day. The only day i drank 3 bottles of flavored water, cant do regular water,  and felt good too. I have been dealig with my weight problem for over half my life now. I would lose a few pounds then gain it back. I have been to the doctor to have my levels checked to make sure that they were normal to see if that was why i was having troule losing weight. I have also done the gym that is for women, green tea pills, apple cider vinger pills, etc and nothing works for more then 5 to 10 pounds and then a few weeks later i would gain it back. I would also be watching what I would eat to try to help lose some weight. So i am hoping that with me cutting back on how many cokes that I drink a day that i will lose a few pounds. When the weather is a little better on the weekends, i am going to try to go walking on the weekends around my area to see if that will help some too. I am also going to try to get my mom and son out and go with me on the walks. I would go to a doctor to see if there is something else that I could try to help me but i dont know where to go to for that or what my insurance would cover. But I am thinking about looking into it and see what I can find out and see if anything will work for me. I dont want to lose alot of weight or anything like that. I just want to lose around 50-75 pounds where i am healthier for myself andfor my kids. With my knees and ankles in bad shape, it would be great if I could lose around 50-75 pounds. I am trying and going to keep trying. Thats all that i can do right now.