Update #5: No Happiness Around Here
So, I guess I've been writing in this damn journal for like a week now. It hasn't helped me at being happy. It just gives me room to vent or bitch about the things I can't change. I guess it's a start though, but I don't know what to do next.
I woke up like any other day. My niece came over so the boys' got crazy and loud and woke me up. That never fails to put me in a bad mood. I went shopping with my dad and sorry to say, it wasn't enough to make me happy. I got a few things that I don't need which makes me feel bad now that I have them. I mean, I bout a hat for $30. I could've bought a pair of jeans or capri's for this summer, which I really do need. Why can't I ever get shit right?
I hate to say it, but the kids' don't help with this process. Their toddlers and I still feel like I'm a teenager. I shouldn't even be in this situation. The only reason I got caught up in this mess is because I fell in love too fast, too soon and I didn't want Eric and his kids to be homeless.
When I was reunited with Eric, I fell in love with him all over again - like it was that first time we met. After a few weeks of seeing each other, I pretty much moved into Tommy's where Eric was staying at the time. I don't know what made me just move in because usually I have more respect for people and their homes. I guess I didn't want to miss out on anything and now that I think about it, I wanted Eric all to myself and I wasn't going to give him a chance to be with someone else.
I wish I would've had more self control because I wouldn't have 3 kids that live with me in my dad's basement. I think Eric would've gotten off his ass and got a place of his own if I wasn't attached to his side. Don't get me wrong, I love these kids but sometimes I wonder if I can even handle it anymore. I get so stressed and just want to give up but I can't. I can't just kick all 4 of my boys out of my life. Now that I have Eric's kids', I couldn't imagine living without them. Raising them seems like it gets harder and harder everyday but I love them and I love their dad with all of my heart and more. I'm stuck with them and their mine forever. :)
I hope I can get on my feet so I can take care of this family. I think if I were to get a job and have another life outside of the house, I might be able to find happiness in all of the chaos. I hope. I hope. I hope. I hope I can be happy.
-Mary
I woke up like any other day. My niece came over so the boys' got crazy and loud and woke me up. That never fails to put me in a bad mood. I went shopping with my dad and sorry to say, it wasn't enough to make me happy. I got a few things that I don't need which makes me feel bad now that I have them. I mean, I bout a hat for $30. I could've bought a pair of jeans or capri's for this summer, which I really do need. Why can't I ever get shit right?
I hate to say it, but the kids' don't help with this process. Their toddlers and I still feel like I'm a teenager. I shouldn't even be in this situation. The only reason I got caught up in this mess is because I fell in love too fast, too soon and I didn't want Eric and his kids to be homeless.
When I was reunited with Eric, I fell in love with him all over again - like it was that first time we met. After a few weeks of seeing each other, I pretty much moved into Tommy's where Eric was staying at the time. I don't know what made me just move in because usually I have more respect for people and their homes. I guess I didn't want to miss out on anything and now that I think about it, I wanted Eric all to myself and I wasn't going to give him a chance to be with someone else.
I wish I would've had more self control because I wouldn't have 3 kids that live with me in my dad's basement. I think Eric would've gotten off his ass and got a place of his own if I wasn't attached to his side. Don't get me wrong, I love these kids but sometimes I wonder if I can even handle it anymore. I get so stressed and just want to give up but I can't. I can't just kick all 4 of my boys out of my life. Now that I have Eric's kids', I couldn't imagine living without them. Raising them seems like it gets harder and harder everyday but I love them and I love their dad with all of my heart and more. I'm stuck with them and their mine forever. :)
I hope I can get on my feet so I can take care of this family. I think if I were to get a job and have another life outside of the house, I might be able to find happiness in all of the chaos. I hope. I hope. I hope. I hope I can be happy.
-Mary
Replies
Personally, most I do is write journal entries to vent. It helps me to not take it home for my daughter to see. There is nothing wrong with journaling to vent. It helps you get some of the frustration out.