Update #5: No Happiness Around Here
So, I guess I've been writing in this damn journal for like a week now. It hasn't helped me at being happy. It just gives me room to vent or bitch about the things I can't change. I guess it's a start though, but I don't know what to do next.
I woke up like any other day. My niece came over so the boys' got crazy and loud and woke me up. That never fails to put me in a bad mood. I went shopping with my dad and sorry to say, it wasn't enough to make me happy. I got a few things that I don't need which makes me feel bad now that I have them. I mean, I bout a hat for $30. I could've bought a pair of jeans or capri's for this summer, which I really do need. Why can't I ever get shit right?
I hate to say it, but the kids' don't help with this process. Their toddlers and I still feel like I'm a teenager. I shouldn't even be in this situation. The only reason I got caught up in this mess is because I fell in love too fast, too soon and I didn't want Eric and his kids to be homeless.
When I was reunited with Eric, I fell in love with him all over again - like it was that first time we met. After a few weeks of seeing each other, I pretty much moved into Tommy's where Eric was staying at the time. I don't know what made me just move in because usually I have more respect for people and their homes. I guess I didn't want to miss out on anything and now that I think about it, I wanted Eric all to myself and I wasn't going to give him a chance to be with someone else.
I wish I would've had more self control because I wouldn't have 3 kids that live with me in my dad's basement. I think Eric would've gotten off his ass and got a place of his own if I wasn't attached to his side. Don't get me wrong, I love these kids but sometimes I wonder if I can even handle it anymore. I get so stressed and just want to give up but I can't. I can't just kick all 4 of my boys out of my life. Now that I have Eric's kids', I couldn't imagine living without them. Raising them seems like it gets harder and harder everyday but I love them and I love their dad with all of my heart and more. I'm stuck with them and their mine forever. :)
I hope I can get on my feet so I can take care of this family. I think if I were to get a job and have another life outside of the house, I might be able to find happiness in all of the chaos. I hope. I hope. I hope. I hope I can be happy.
-Mary
I woke up like any other day. My niece came over so the boys' got crazy and loud and woke me up. That never fails to put me in a bad mood. I went shopping with my dad and sorry to say, it wasn't enough to make me happy. I got a few things that I don't need which makes me feel bad now that I have them. I mean, I bout a hat for $30. I could've bought a pair of jeans or capri's for this summer, which I really do need. Why can't I ever get shit right?
I hate to say it, but the kids' don't help with this process. Their toddlers and I still feel like I'm a teenager. I shouldn't even be in this situation. The only reason I got caught up in this mess is because I fell in love too fast, too soon and I didn't want Eric and his kids to be homeless.
When I was reunited with Eric, I fell in love with him all over again - like it was that first time we met. After a few weeks of seeing each other, I pretty much moved into Tommy's where Eric was staying at the time. I don't know what made me just move in because usually I have more respect for people and their homes. I guess I didn't want to miss out on anything and now that I think about it, I wanted Eric all to myself and I wasn't going to give him a chance to be with someone else.
I wish I would've had more self control because I wouldn't have 3 kids that live with me in my dad's basement. I think Eric would've gotten off his ass and got a place of his own if I wasn't attached to his side. Don't get me wrong, I love these kids but sometimes I wonder if I can even handle it anymore. I get so stressed and just want to give up but I can't. I can't just kick all 4 of my boys out of my life. Now that I have Eric's kids', I couldn't imagine living without them. Raising them seems like it gets harder and harder everyday but I love them and I love their dad with all of my heart and more. I'm stuck with them and their mine forever. :)
I hope I can get on my feet so I can take care of this family. I think if I were to get a job and have another life outside of the house, I might be able to find happiness in all of the chaos. I hope. I hope. I hope. I hope I can be happy.
-Mary
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