Update #1: The Begining Process
It's always been a goal of mine to be happy no matter what but that is something I have always struggled with. I am totally pessimistic. I expect the worst out of every situation but in turn I hope for the best. I don't look forward to excitement because I don't want to get my hopes up. And I constantly think about the bad things in my life and the bad things happening in the world which infuriates me because I have no power to stop or control any of it. I can't get a job because of my education and unfortunately, my appearance strikes no interest in the mainstream world. I still live with my parents and I'm raising 3 children that aren't even mine. The love of my life, Eric, is the best part of my world. I couldn't be more grateful to have him but his life, as well as mine, is driving us straight to the gutter. Where is the rapture in that?
This country is going down the shitter and that strains my nerves. It doesn't help our situation any. I feel bad for raising these kids in this cutthroat world. They have no idea what their future entails. Now that I'm older and I've seen the world dramatically change, I now see that it's made up of servitude, segregation and imitation. How can I be happy knowing that we are led to believe we are free in a country that will eventually kill us because we are 'too free'? If we do not conform to our governments ideal image, then we are pretty much outcasted because their expectations of what we should be are unrealistic in this life time. Its hard for me to be happy knowing that I must flock to thy shepherd (gov) just to live; just to survive. I am no ones sheep.
I want to roam the streets knowing that I am politically unrestrained. I don't want my image to be an invitation for judgement. Don't judge my appearance or customs by a mere glance. Get to know me inside and out, then judge me. Just because I have tattoos and piercings and smoke pot and wear dark clothes doesn't mean I am incompetent. I am worthy and I am qualified. I don't deserve to be scavenged by authority and normal society. I can't be happy in a place that does not welcome me.
Anyways, as you can see, I'm not miss fucking sunshine. It may be possible that I won't be happy till I'm dead. I am going to try though. This is The Beginning Process.
-Mary
This country is going down the shitter and that strains my nerves. It doesn't help our situation any. I feel bad for raising these kids in this cutthroat world. They have no idea what their future entails. Now that I'm older and I've seen the world dramatically change, I now see that it's made up of servitude, segregation and imitation. How can I be happy knowing that we are led to believe we are free in a country that will eventually kill us because we are 'too free'? If we do not conform to our governments ideal image, then we are pretty much outcasted because their expectations of what we should be are unrealistic in this life time. Its hard for me to be happy knowing that I must flock to thy shepherd (gov) just to live; just to survive. I am no ones sheep.
I want to roam the streets knowing that I am politically unrestrained. I don't want my image to be an invitation for judgement. Don't judge my appearance or customs by a mere glance. Get to know me inside and out, then judge me. Just because I have tattoos and piercings and smoke pot and wear dark clothes doesn't mean I am incompetent. I am worthy and I am qualified. I don't deserve to be scavenged by authority and normal society. I can't be happy in a place that does not welcome me.
Anyways, as you can see, I'm not miss fucking sunshine. It may be possible that I won't be happy till I'm dead. I am going to try though. This is The Beginning Process.
-Mary
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