Up since 2 a.m. crying and mouring

I have  been up since 2:00 a.m. crying and mourning for the loss of my husband.  Life is so unfair.  It's 4:41 a.m. now so I thought I would let it out by writing in this journal.  Will it get any better?  Should I see a doctor after all it has been two months or should I wait.  Will it get any easier?  I went to Richmond Station Pub yesterday with my brother.  My husband and I went there either on Saturday or Sunday regularly.  I am not sure if that brought on my not sleeping but it could have been a contributing factor.  If I do not mourn or cry for my husband during the day, it hits me at night or in the middle of the night.  I have to mourn and cry for my unbearable burden of the loss.  It hurts so bad that words cannot express what I feel anymore.  I never wanted to be alone and when you find the light of your life or the love of your life and they die, it seems so unbearable to go on or even have the will to gone as I wish I could ahve died with him.  I think of that a lot that I wished I could have died along with my husband.  We should have died together.  I believe God has a purpose but this is so very painful for me.  What kind of purpose can He have for me?    At times this seems very cruel to me.  I can't understand any of it at the moment but there has to be a purpose for me, there just has to be.  I can't figure it out.  I am hoping something great comes down the road for me in my life.  At the moment I can't see it with the over whelming pain in my heart.  When my husband died, he took my heart with him.  It hurts that bad.