Untitled
Part One
The young man walked into the private investigator’s ofice. “I hope you can help me,” he said to the man behind the desk.
The investigator got up from his chair and smiled softly.
“Please,” he said to the young man. “Have a seat.”
“How can I be of help?” he continued once his visitor was seated.
“I’m looking for someone,” came the reply.
“Oh?”
“Yeah… I’m looking for someone like me.”
The investigator gave a slight smile. For a moment, he said nothing.
“Have you had trouble finding such a person?” he asked.
“Yes. You see, I’m different than most people.”
“Oh?” said the investigator. “How so?”
“It’s complicated,” replied the young man.
“I’ve faced complicated cases before.”
The young man hesitated. “See… I recently reached my 30’s. And…”
The investigator nodded gently.
“There aren’t many people out there who are like me.”
“How so?”
The young man sighed. “For one, I don’t like alcohol. I don’t like the taste of it, and I have no desire to take a mood-altering substance.”
The investigator nodded, his lips turned upwards at the ends.
“It’s not just that. I don’t like being around people who are drunk. I get uncomfortable, but at the same time, I feel excluded.”
“Mmm-hmm,” said the investigator.
“It makes it difficult for me socially.”
The older man nodded.
“I also don’t want to use tobacco or illicit drugs.”
“I don’t think that’s so uncommon,” said the investigator.
“No… But I don’t even want to put caffeine in my body. If I sometimes have some soda or tea, then I do, and it’s not a big deal. But I generally try not to. I don’t even like the taste of coffee. I also generally try to avoid food and drinks with sugar added in.
“My health is very important to me. I would never want to knowingly do something to harm it.”
The investigator nodded, smiling.
“I also don’t like big, loud parties— or some kinds of concerts, for that matter— because I’m sensitive to noise. When I go to social events, I’m not interested in superficial conversations. I mean, sometimes, yeah, but generally, it’s unfulfilling. So I don’t feel comfortable at big parties usually.
“Mmm-hmm.”
“I also have never had a girlfriend.”
The investigator furrowed his brown slightly. “Oh?”
“I mean…” The young man let out a sigh. “It’s really complicated.”
“Go on,” said the older man.
“Ever since elementary school, I’ve been interested in girls. I had a huge crush on a girl in elementary school and then a big crush on another girl in high school. But nothing happened with either of them. Then, in college, I had no romantic experience.
“Ironically,” the young man continued, “I actually felt love for a girl after college— someone I had known for over two years. And she loved me, too. But it was just meant to be friendship in the end. I think we both knew it.
“Then there was another girl,” he went on. “I met her a year-and-a-half later, and I had an amazing emotional connection with her. Better than any other girl before in my life. Really. But she didn’t feel the same way about me. And in any case, I wasn’t physically attracted to her.”
The investigator nodded.
“It wasn’t until I was 24 that I first kissed a girl. There wasn’t even chemistry. I didn’t even feel comfortable with her. It was a very disappointing experience.”
“I’m sorry,” said the investigator.
“A similar thing happened when I was 25, and again when I was 26. After that…” He looked away from the older man. “There was a dry spell with girls for several years.”
“Did you have sex with any of these girls?” asked the investigator.
“No. I believed in waiting until marriage for that.”
“Okay.”
“I felt very strongly about this. But then… time went on, and as I still had sexual urges, marriage didn’t look like it would happen anytime soon. And I just couldn’t continue to put aside my urges— especially when it seemed like everyone else had experienced sex. I felt very strongly about waiting. But I felt increasingly alone in it, too.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“When I was 29,” the young man continued, “I couldn’t take waiting anymore, and I started to fool around. I needed something. But although I did some stuff, I didn’t go so far as to actually have sex.”
The investigator nodded.
The young man expected him to laugh, or maybe grimace. But his face remained thoughtful.
“And now,” the visitor went on, his eyebrows lowering as a purposeful frown crept upon his face.
He exhaled.
He looked up at the investigator. “I’ve wanted my first time to be with someone who’s also never experienced it.”
“Hmmmmm,” said the investigator. His gaze remained fixed on the young man.
“May I ask why?” he said after a moment had passed.
The young man’s eyes shot up towards a distant corner of the office. He opened his mouth as if to speak but then closed it again.
A moment went by before he continued.
“When I was really young, I had an understanding. I don't remember when I first realized it, but it became an important part of who I was. I wouldn’t have sex until I was married. My first kiss, I told myself for a long time, would be meaningful. And my first time having sex would be with my wife.
“As time passed, this belief became a core part of who I’d grow to be. And…”
The young man swallowed.
“I took it as a given that the woman I’d find would feel the same way.”
The young man stared off into the distance. For several moments, silence hung in the air.
“The idea,” he went on, “of sharing myself sexually for the first time with the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with…” He hesitated.
“Was beautiful. The thought of it became deeply ingrained in me.”
He paused again.
“I wanted her to experience what I was experiencing. For it to have the same significance for both of us. My opening myself up totally to her, and her opening herself up totally to me.”
The investigator’s lips just barely revealed a smile. “It was a dream,” he said slowly to his visitor.
The young man nodded slightly. “It was just a given. …And now…”
He looked down.
“You’ve become disillusioned,” the older man said softly.
The visitor remained perfectly still.
“You must feel very alone.”
The young man felt a sadness well up inside of him. He nodded his head ever so slightly.
The investigator waited a moment before speaking again. “I can imagine the strong feelings you must have,” he continued. “From the way you’ve spoken about this, I can only guess that you’ve been despairing.”
The young man’s face took on a frown.
For several moments, neither of them said anything.
“I’ve wanted that,” the young man started in, bowing his head. “But it’s been all but impossible to find someone. I’ve been realizing that the way I thought most everyone else in society was… they’re not. …And now, the women who believe in waiting for marriage either are already married or continue to wait. Like I… have been. While those who might do it with me— at my age, or even someone in her 20’s— 99.9 percent of them have done it.”
Tears started to come to the young man’s eyes.
“And you’ll only do it if they’ve waited, too,” the investigator followed up gently.
“I want the experience to have the same significance for her,” the young man replied. His tone of voice was flat, but his words had a strength to them.
The investigator nodded ever so slightly.
“Please,” the young man continued abruptly, shaking his head, “don’t bombard me with questions. That’s what everyone does when I say this. This is how I feel. I can’t… and I’m not going to try to defend of explain it, or…”
He let out a small sigh. He then licked his lips and lowered his eyes.
“I see how painful this is for you,” the investigator said slowly. “I’m not going to do anything like that.”
He paused for a moment.
“How can I be of help to you?” he asked his visitor once more.
To be continued
The young man walked into the private investigator’s ofice. “I hope you can help me,” he said to the man behind the desk.
The investigator got up from his chair and smiled softly.
“Please,” he said to the young man. “Have a seat.”
“How can I be of help?” he continued once his visitor was seated.
“I’m looking for someone,” came the reply.
“Oh?”
“Yeah… I’m looking for someone like me.”
The investigator gave a slight smile. For a moment, he said nothing.
“Have you had trouble finding such a person?” he asked.
“Yes. You see, I’m different than most people.”
“Oh?” said the investigator. “How so?”
“It’s complicated,” replied the young man.
“I’ve faced complicated cases before.”
The young man hesitated. “See… I recently reached my 30’s. And…”
The investigator nodded gently.
“There aren’t many people out there who are like me.”
“How so?”
The young man sighed. “For one, I don’t like alcohol. I don’t like the taste of it, and I have no desire to take a mood-altering substance.”
The investigator nodded, his lips turned upwards at the ends.
“It’s not just that. I don’t like being around people who are drunk. I get uncomfortable, but at the same time, I feel excluded.”
“Mmm-hmm,” said the investigator.
“It makes it difficult for me socially.”
The older man nodded.
“I also don’t want to use tobacco or illicit drugs.”
“I don’t think that’s so uncommon,” said the investigator.
“No… But I don’t even want to put caffeine in my body. If I sometimes have some soda or tea, then I do, and it’s not a big deal. But I generally try not to. I don’t even like the taste of coffee. I also generally try to avoid food and drinks with sugar added in.
“My health is very important to me. I would never want to knowingly do something to harm it.”
The investigator nodded, smiling.
“I also don’t like big, loud parties— or some kinds of concerts, for that matter— because I’m sensitive to noise. When I go to social events, I’m not interested in superficial conversations. I mean, sometimes, yeah, but generally, it’s unfulfilling. So I don’t feel comfortable at big parties usually.
“Mmm-hmm.”
“I also have never had a girlfriend.”
The investigator furrowed his brown slightly. “Oh?”
“I mean…” The young man let out a sigh. “It’s really complicated.”
“Go on,” said the older man.
“Ever since elementary school, I’ve been interested in girls. I had a huge crush on a girl in elementary school and then a big crush on another girl in high school. But nothing happened with either of them. Then, in college, I had no romantic experience.
“Ironically,” the young man continued, “I actually felt love for a girl after college— someone I had known for over two years. And she loved me, too. But it was just meant to be friendship in the end. I think we both knew it.
“Then there was another girl,” he went on. “I met her a year-and-a-half later, and I had an amazing emotional connection with her. Better than any other girl before in my life. Really. But she didn’t feel the same way about me. And in any case, I wasn’t physically attracted to her.”
The investigator nodded.
“It wasn’t until I was 24 that I first kissed a girl. There wasn’t even chemistry. I didn’t even feel comfortable with her. It was a very disappointing experience.”
“I’m sorry,” said the investigator.
“A similar thing happened when I was 25, and again when I was 26. After that…” He looked away from the older man. “There was a dry spell with girls for several years.”
“Did you have sex with any of these girls?” asked the investigator.
“No. I believed in waiting until marriage for that.”
“Okay.”
“I felt very strongly about this. But then… time went on, and as I still had sexual urges, marriage didn’t look like it would happen anytime soon. And I just couldn’t continue to put aside my urges— especially when it seemed like everyone else had experienced sex. I felt very strongly about waiting. But I felt increasingly alone in it, too.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“When I was 29,” the young man continued, “I couldn’t take waiting anymore, and I started to fool around. I needed something. But although I did some stuff, I didn’t go so far as to actually have sex.”
The investigator nodded.
The young man expected him to laugh, or maybe grimace. But his face remained thoughtful.
“And now,” the visitor went on, his eyebrows lowering as a purposeful frown crept upon his face.
He exhaled.
He looked up at the investigator. “I’ve wanted my first time to be with someone who’s also never experienced it.”
“Hmmmmm,” said the investigator. His gaze remained fixed on the young man.
“May I ask why?” he said after a moment had passed.
The young man’s eyes shot up towards a distant corner of the office. He opened his mouth as if to speak but then closed it again.
A moment went by before he continued.
“When I was really young, I had an understanding. I don't remember when I first realized it, but it became an important part of who I was. I wouldn’t have sex until I was married. My first kiss, I told myself for a long time, would be meaningful. And my first time having sex would be with my wife.
“As time passed, this belief became a core part of who I’d grow to be. And…”
The young man swallowed.
“I took it as a given that the woman I’d find would feel the same way.”
The young man stared off into the distance. For several moments, silence hung in the air.
“The idea,” he went on, “of sharing myself sexually for the first time with the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with…” He hesitated.
“Was beautiful. The thought of it became deeply ingrained in me.”
He paused again.
“I wanted her to experience what I was experiencing. For it to have the same significance for both of us. My opening myself up totally to her, and her opening herself up totally to me.”
The investigator’s lips just barely revealed a smile. “It was a dream,” he said slowly to his visitor.
The young man nodded slightly. “It was just a given. …And now…”
He looked down.
“You’ve become disillusioned,” the older man said softly.
The visitor remained perfectly still.
“You must feel very alone.”
The young man felt a sadness well up inside of him. He nodded his head ever so slightly.
The investigator waited a moment before speaking again. “I can imagine the strong feelings you must have,” he continued. “From the way you’ve spoken about this, I can only guess that you’ve been despairing.”
The young man’s face took on a frown.
For several moments, neither of them said anything.
“I’ve wanted that,” the young man started in, bowing his head. “But it’s been all but impossible to find someone. I’ve been realizing that the way I thought most everyone else in society was… they’re not. …And now, the women who believe in waiting for marriage either are already married or continue to wait. Like I… have been. While those who might do it with me— at my age, or even someone in her 20’s— 99.9 percent of them have done it.”
Tears started to come to the young man’s eyes.
“And you’ll only do it if they’ve waited, too,” the investigator followed up gently.
“I want the experience to have the same significance for her,” the young man replied. His tone of voice was flat, but his words had a strength to them.
The investigator nodded ever so slightly.
“Please,” the young man continued abruptly, shaking his head, “don’t bombard me with questions. That’s what everyone does when I say this. This is how I feel. I can’t… and I’m not going to try to defend of explain it, or…”
He let out a small sigh. He then licked his lips and lowered his eyes.
“I see how painful this is for you,” the investigator said slowly. “I’m not going to do anything like that.”
He paused for a moment.
“How can I be of help to you?” he asked his visitor once more.
To be continued
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