Unstable, shaky...and a seizure
I had one beautiful week of days that were either totally good, or started out rocky then ended up good. IT WAS SO WONDERFULL!!!
But now...woke up this morning at 3 and could not fall back to sleep. Finally started dozing on and off around 4:30 before getting up around 6:15 to start the morning school routine.
Got the child to school and the hubby to work, then laid down on the couch to try to catch up on sleep, when I was hit with a wave of anxiety, so I did a little bit of easy yoga in an attempt to calm down. It was only partially successful, and an hour later, I had an epileptic seizure. I called the hubby at work in an attempt at becoming grounded; luckily, he could talk to me then, and now I'm sad and exhausted, weepy, with head- and body aches, and wish some kind soul was with me now (there' s no one...only my husband who has to stay at work).
I want..no, I NEED this to stop. This is a beautiful day and it would've been nice to get out, but with feeling bad and now having a seizure, I can't go out because I don't know what will happen...will I have another seizure, or panic attack? I don't want to have those out in public. Or start crying, or whatever. And I'm too tired to walk around, anyway.
This could be a combination of several things: lack of sleep, acid reflux, epilepsy, all magnified by menopause (which also brings a lot of its own symptoms; mental, physical, and emotional). Throw in stress: my only friend E has not returned any of my emails, and my husband informed me that he's making waves at work regarding some unfair procedure that they have, and there is a teeny, tiny, itty bitty chance he could lose his job....once again, very, very small, but a stressful thought nonetheless.
Luckily, I'm seeing my therapist tonight, but I first need to get through the day, including producing dinner (there's probably something in the freezer). Also, I need to be Normal tomorrow because that's when my knitting group meets, and I missed the last 2 meetings because of being menopausal, and I REALLY miss the women there. They are my only support group that I can hug outside of my husband, child, and therapist (and my friend E, when she's in town).
I'm trying to remember all the things in my life that are wonderful, but when in the middle of one of those anxiety attacks, or during the Bad/Horrible days, it's very hard to do so. It just is.
Goddess, I wish my mom were alive. I really, really need her here with me to help me through these times.
Thanks for reading my sad rambling. I do hope you are going through a better time than I am.
And no answer or comment necessary. Love you all.
But now...woke up this morning at 3 and could not fall back to sleep. Finally started dozing on and off around 4:30 before getting up around 6:15 to start the morning school routine.
Got the child to school and the hubby to work, then laid down on the couch to try to catch up on sleep, when I was hit with a wave of anxiety, so I did a little bit of easy yoga in an attempt to calm down. It was only partially successful, and an hour later, I had an epileptic seizure. I called the hubby at work in an attempt at becoming grounded; luckily, he could talk to me then, and now I'm sad and exhausted, weepy, with head- and body aches, and wish some kind soul was with me now (there' s no one...only my husband who has to stay at work).
I want..no, I NEED this to stop. This is a beautiful day and it would've been nice to get out, but with feeling bad and now having a seizure, I can't go out because I don't know what will happen...will I have another seizure, or panic attack? I don't want to have those out in public. Or start crying, or whatever. And I'm too tired to walk around, anyway.
This could be a combination of several things: lack of sleep, acid reflux, epilepsy, all magnified by menopause (which also brings a lot of its own symptoms; mental, physical, and emotional). Throw in stress: my only friend E has not returned any of my emails, and my husband informed me that he's making waves at work regarding some unfair procedure that they have, and there is a teeny, tiny, itty bitty chance he could lose his job....once again, very, very small, but a stressful thought nonetheless.
Luckily, I'm seeing my therapist tonight, but I first need to get through the day, including producing dinner (there's probably something in the freezer). Also, I need to be Normal tomorrow because that's when my knitting group meets, and I missed the last 2 meetings because of being menopausal, and I REALLY miss the women there. They are my only support group that I can hug outside of my husband, child, and therapist (and my friend E, when she's in town).
I'm trying to remember all the things in my life that are wonderful, but when in the middle of one of those anxiety attacks, or during the Bad/Horrible days, it's very hard to do so. It just is.
Goddess, I wish my mom were alive. I really, really need her here with me to help me through these times.
Thanks for reading my sad rambling. I do hope you are going through a better time than I am.
And no answer or comment necessary. Love you all.
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