Unreasonable dad rant
It’s okay to not be happy all the time. It’s okay to be sad or even mad. Be patient with yourself and feel what you’re feeling, and I hope you’re happy soon.
Thank you so much to those who have reached out to me. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me.
This is something I will put here on DS to get off my mind, because I don’t want it bothering me for the rest of the day.
Yesterday was miserable for me. This morning, my dad commented that I’m finally happy, and that yesterday my face was continuously bent/unhappy (he spoke in chinese, so this is a rough translation. he didn’t say it in a nice way.) I replied sarcastically that of course I’m not allowed to be sad or mad or unhappy. I have to be haaaapppy all the time.
He replied yes, I’m glad you understand. Children should be happy all the time. Too bad, but you’re a child.
I can feel myself getting angry typing this. I don’t care if he was joking or half joking (i don’t know if he was?). That’s just not okay to say.
Yes. Force me to be happy. Tell me that my emotions are invalid. Get angry and defensive when I’m miserable. As if my emotions should be bent so you can be satisfied.
What a racist, horrible, short tempered pretentious egotistical victimizing asshole.
I’m not sure if saying all this has helped, but I will try to put it off my mind now. No use getting angry over him.
Replies
Ollie, do u like to visualize? I have a fun technique that will make u smile for sure- but first, good for u , vent all u want , get it out, thats what journals are for, now for the fun part- ok close your eyes and visualize your dad all around u in a circle (like 10 of him) then start doing kung fu bruce lee kicks that send him flying in the air (if u can visualize this good its actually a really great technique/ and funny as hell) your spinning like a little tornado until all the dad versions are gone. Poof. U feel better. Or at least laugh, right? :) maybe? or not..Try it, it cant hurt xoxooxo
Wait, is your dad Chinese? How did I not know this? Not that it matters, but it might give some context as to how he processes things according to how he was raised. But, yeah, it's OK to not be OK. I just learned about the green zone, the red zone, and the blue zone. The green zone is when you are feeling pretty good and stable. The red zone is like sad or angry, etc. The blue zone is when you cut off feeling (dissociating). So, we all slip into the red and blue zones from time to time, but we want to find ways to get back to the green as soon as we can. Also, we can widen our green zones so that we have more or a capacity to handle uncomfortable things. Your parents don't always get that. The book I'm quoting from is "The Yes Brain" by Daniel Siegel. It's pretty good. Love you, girl.