unraveling and the putting myself back together
I was steady when work first started today - and then there were so many little inputs from the interactions I had
with folks and coworkers at the market. Plus I started to feel uninspired and frankly like doing a half-job. But I stuck with it
and that was good. So I should remember that and hold on to it.
Later I kind of unraveled because there were so many things telling me things that I had to relax more - go with the flow
but then ultimately it was like something I noticed the other day. I go down to point zero again within me almost daily.
I did some errands, and the people around me didn't seem to respond to me so well. I wasn't being so careful - I didn't have the strength - and I unraveled.
and then I came home - and I remembered something I thought about the other day. Ownership of my life and not running away from what is mine.. I don't always have a good sense of my life. I don't always have the emotional connection that it's mine.
Maybe this is just pattern - of me building myself up and then life tearing me down - and vice versa. It's a daily thing - pattern -
and maybe some days offer more of it - than others. So maybe I should take solace and comfort in that.
Replies
I want to be open and kind to people but can't with all people -
you just have to do it yourself, take care of yourself every day. Build a life. I don't know why I see it as a burden. I feel like I have such an inclination to change myself for people - but then again, when I am not at work (even though I may be around people who don't like me or things aren't just so) it should encourage me to keep at building a life. It's a free country! :)
Being kind to others is easy for me, but being open is not. The only person I'm truly open with is my therapist. You are so right that we have to take care of ourselves and learn not to worry what other people think of us. Have a good weekend, Mark.
thanks becky!