Unloved Spaces
"Friendly Flashback" still sounds like an oxymoron to me, despite the fact that I first learned the term, "flashback" in its literary/cinematic context. I don't believe the word started appearing in my psychotherapy sessions until ? ? ?the 80's? the 90's? The long, hard journey to understand and manage my trauma flashbacks has thoroughly eclipsed all of my liberal art classes put together. That isn't setting the bar very high, though. Engineering classes were far more interesting to me. The liberal art classes felt like an invasion of my hobby closet.
I've been fielding some rather intense flashbacks to the stream of old farmhouses I was raised in as I have tackled the honey barn paint job. Yes, the traumatic flashbacks are there, but the focus seems to be on the buildings, themselves. Predictable enough, I s'pose, since I am working on barns. I played in a shitload of barns on those farms. It is possible I spent more time in the barns than in the houses. I'll bet there is allot I learned from those old barns which could be of use to me now in the current projects. As I have fielded this round of flashbacks, I have wondered if I am in danger of being able to retrieve the useful information --the gems lost in the trauma mindslides-- without having to relive the traumas. Girl, howdy, that would be sweet.
I don't know where I got the term, "Friendly Flashback." It just seemed to bubble out of this particular flashback series. Maybe. Friendly, or knot, my flashbacks are still far more psychotic than literary. I don't much trust my memory of sources when I am experiencing flashbacks. It isnae a good frame of mind for spouting accurate facts.
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I am sorry you are struggling with flashbacks. I hope you can find some good way with them. Sometimes good memories are nice to have... Keeping physically active helps me lessen the impact of that destructive energy within me. But these are Friendly Flashbacks you say? so rather nice?
One of my shrinks theorated that many cases of PTSD are linked to eidetic memory. By this theory, we worked on training my eidetic memory, as a whole, rather than *curing* the trauma flashbacks. This particular shrink might have been even crazier than I am, but here I am, still playing with the theory decades later and wondering if the pieces are finally coming together. Maybe?
Just wondering. . . Proof unavailable.
Big hug for you Arf...... I'm glad that you have found a way to deal with them as best as you can....... Good for you continuing to work in the barn while dealing with these memories.... It take a load of courage.... xo
A psychologist once told me that creating positive new memories in a place that triggers bad flashbacks could lessen the severity and frequency of the flashbacks. I never got much opportunity to test it though. Maybe this work on barns will lessen the intensity.
But if you’re able to retrieve something useful from your flashbacks, that’s really good. And maybe you can share how. It would be nice if something good could come out of all the bad effects that happens during flashbacks.
Wish you weren’t having to go through them again, but your strength to face them is inspiring.
Lots of support & hugs & best wishes.
I've been and will continue sharing how as I go along. The sharing helps allot in the sorting and finding words for the ^its^ of ^it^., especially the reality checks. The last few years of that long, dreary progression are right here in this e-journal for anyone who cares to read. I am growing ever more convinced that my flashbacks are not about torturing me with the horrors of re-living traumas. They are about giving me access to vital information lost in the mindslides of trauma.
Could your psychologist's theory be about what I learned as re-framing? Reframing is about bringing more positive frames of reference for the flashbacks and accompanying conditioning and psych issues.
I’m not sure..., my therapist have a tendency to be vague about naming methods. It’s made it fun when I get a new doctor and they asked if I tried this or that therapy.
The psychologist who brought it up was helping me cope with my parents moving back to area where abused and buying the house very close to one where I was abused. After first time I visited them, my PTSD and flashbacks went nuts. Up until recently the majority of flashbacks I’d have I blacked out during them and after a few hours when their done I lose all memory of the flashbacks. I’ll remember I had them but not what they were about..., until my parents new house. Since I couldn’t avoid them & the house, the doctor suggested it.
The same doctor used similiar method of “reprogramming” sensory memories like muscle memory which were the most challenging of my PTSD issues to overcome. It’s hard to explain. I’d have physical flashbacks (in my body) without visual/auditory or any memories manifested. If I heard certain sounds or smelled certain musks, someone acted a certain way, or just someone touch my shoulder (or random place) my body would freak and I’d suddenly be drowning in waves of fear and disgust and...., but not know what or why it was happening. Or I would have a “blackout” flashback and from what I’ve been told it’s freaky. So they had me keep track of triggers and then “reprogrammed” me by positive associations to trigger. Still didn’t always work. But the psychologist was same who told me about positive new memories to help with places.