unknown

i have been in weird state since my dad was sentenced on 4-7  i find myself wondering how he is doing is this ok i mean i hate and despise him for what he did but he still is my father guilt maybe? all my family wont talk to me if i call them up they say they have to go and do something after talking a few minutes-most said they did not want to take sides- and i do understand that-now i pay the price for getting a dangerous man off the streets to protect other women. they are just going through their days with no thought to me at all-yeah i am getting whiny i am confused as to what i feel at the moment conflicting thoughts of almost wanting to ask his probation worker to see how he is doing I HATE HIM AND LOVE HIM both at the same time brings me to tears all too often but the good news is i have started sleeping without my night light on because i was always on alert i also need to get bulbs for it-i have a very irritable weak bladder so i have come to depend on a night light so i dont run into walls on my way to the toilet or trip over things which i do on a pro level at all times. i think i will go talk to my advocate today it has been almost a month and i need to talk her about this-she was picked by god and sent my way for help through all this-i do not know if i would have gotten through it all without her in my corner