Unfortunately I have a dark side.
I was behind the screen this morning. It was very, very early. I was having difficulty following along with the service. I made many mistakes and the priest and the nun seized upon it.
I whispered to the nun ‘ I guess I am having a bad day’ and she said ‘no, no, no’ in a sweet and kind gesture
But as I stood there behind the screen I was trying to stay on project and yet I wasn’t getting enough out of it to keep from nodding off. I kept on reaching internally for more strength or better perspective as though I weren’t trying hard enough, searching for some sense of virtue or excellence to stabilize me.
I realized I might not be a person who gets as much out of this.
Then I kind of broke down a bit, from straining so hard, and I thought ‘hey their disposition and interest were just as valid as mine. If different it doesn't matter. We’re all plodders through life as my therapist says. There’s no superiority.
That humbled me right then and there.
I kind of joined the group and just felt a kind of knowing and also being in good company.
Then I came here to work and having just realized in the car that it’s all a two way street- emotionally and intellectually and in kind interactions. It just became natural to me and no fear anymore l. This may be my work at the market but I also am very much embracing that my project right now is getting people I know to donate to the monastery. I’m realizing this is my project no better no worse. It's my thing right now. I’m very proud to say this week I have collected $275 ! There are two more donations I know are coming too!!
I’m having my coffee now before my shift!!
unfortunately I'm seeing a dark side in me. It's best though that I am aware of it so that I can keep busy to keep it in check. God willing!!
Replies
I am no better or worse, I need to keep the faith that I’m doing right by myself and taking myself in a good direction
Everyone has a dark side. It impacts some more than others. Some are also better at keeping it hidden. I'm sorry that you've been struggling a bit lately.
Congrats on getting folks to donate to the monastery. Is there a particular need for the funds? Is it possible to donate online?
You're doing great, Mark. Keep on, keeping on! Hugs.
ah-h-h-h. . . you metaphorical light lovers. . . you are absolutely clueless to the many charming spirits who prefer the softer lights of what you call, "darkness." yes, moron, you have a dark side. why are you saying that like it is a bad thing? every day has hours of sun light and hours of night light. we would be very pale creatures without our dark sides.
humility is the best light switch i've found for the blinding brights of metaphorical lights.
you might even quit drowning the ancient lights of night with your crass LEDs. you're missing the greatest light show on earth by drowning out the gentler lights of night.
Thanks so much Judy and Arfie!!