Unexpected Angel

I just wanted to let you know that I was having one of those cry all day day's.  I was starting to lose my faith and questioning god and why things in life played out the way it has been.  My 11 year old daughter stayed home from school today it started out that she just did not feel good but we ended up having a heart to heart and it turns out that she has been being bullied.  She did not want to talk to me about it because I become just too overprotective and she was afraid of what I would end up doing.  I didn't realize I was that bad.  Well in the end my heart broke even more because through her tears she confessed that she wished that it was her that died and not her sister. I never knew that things with her were that bad.  Today was the first time since her sister went to heaven that I saw her get really angry about it.  Then again this was the first time I really saw her show any true emotion.  It really scares me that my beautiful little girl feels this badly.  I was angry too.  Angry at god for taking my baby too soon, angry at my family for turning their backs on me when I needed them most, angry at myself for not doing things differently and not being able to save Amanda from the fire and angry for not being to be a good mother for my children when they need me the most. Amidst all this anger and rage I felt and unbearable amount of sorrow.  I felt as if I was sitting at the bottom of a dark well all alone staring at the rope that I needed to pull myself up and yet I am unable to come up with enough strength to pull my self up and at the same time not sure if I want to pull myself up for fear of what might await me at the top.  So at about noon today I found myself sitting in my car in the parking lot of the closest church.  I am not sure what drove me to go there but I could not go in.  I for some reason did not feel worthy.  I was angry at god.  Then again was he angry at me.  He gave me Amanda to love and care for and I could not protect her.  So I sat in my car for 2 hours crying and praying my heart out and when I felt I prayed and cried all I could I prayed and cried some more and when I was done I went home and hugged my daughter so tight and told her how beautiful she is.  I told her that I am glad that she is here with me and that she and her sisters are what keep me going.  I let her know how much I need her and if she needs me for anything I am here. And together we cried and prayed some more.  Then we went to the mail box and checked the mail and when we got the mail we cried some more but this time we did not cry out of anger or sorrow or grief or anguish as we had been all day.  We cried because someone cared.  We had an unexpected angel  send us a check with a note that simply said " Just a little something to help with the girls Christmas.  Love you. "  I want that angel to know that It was not a little something It was the hope that we needed and it came at just the right time.  Thank You Kala you will always be in our hearts.