under the weather. got blues.
hi,
some people have shirts that say "Got Milk".......mine says "Got Sick"......
had a few good days, now i'm sick. this is day two or three of sick......mixed up.
not dead........up long enough to say hi. not only sick but blue.
feeling like christmas is going downhill.........trying to shake it off, saying to self, you feel yucky......it's reflecting on plans.........one day at a time little girl. don't let a few days of sick destroy HOPE.
work in progress. trying. sara says she doesn't think they will be at the family gathering. she plans to be with her married family for two gatherings. but not ours. sam got moody when i suggested a gathering at my house.........asked sara and she seemed generally indifferentt ---- to date i haven't heard anything from anyone about any Christmas invitations to anything. I may be spending Christmas alone. It's December 18th...........seems odd that no one has said anything so far.
Yes, I am feeling unwanted. A misfit toy.........what did I do? Who did I do it to?
I thought the key to Christmas Spirit was to simply COMMIT.....turn on the music, do the holiday things that give from the soul...........currently feel unstrung, unstrong, uneverything. this is a temporary feeling system, compare to a storm system.........they blow in, they blow out.
all these decorations and no celebration with the kids. feeling lost. and teary. what did i do wrong? do i want too much? .....maybe so. maybe i do. so confused. why don't they want to spend an afternoon and evening with their mom at this house? .......no answer is necessary. i'm blue enough.......
it will pass.........i pray that it will, right now my throat is really scratchy, nothing tastes good, my body hurts, but i did manage to do a few chores ......a sign of life is a good thing.
i miss you and i hope you will understand that i am out of it, but still praying with my two hands in care of you and yours..........and i will also pray to shake off this moody mood i'm in. this up and down thing where i feel like a house made of straw is unnerving. i want to feel like a house made of strong materials, with a strong foundation. made to withstand storms, blues.......occasional insecurity and the downside of illness. the downside being the doubts that i am worth spending time with........let it blow on by, blow over.......blow far far away and bring back that sunny day, smiles and thoughts of joy..
back to bed. hugs, wonky ruthie
some people have shirts that say "Got Milk".......mine says "Got Sick"......
had a few good days, now i'm sick. this is day two or three of sick......mixed up.
not dead........up long enough to say hi. not only sick but blue.
feeling like christmas is going downhill.........trying to shake it off, saying to self, you feel yucky......it's reflecting on plans.........one day at a time little girl. don't let a few days of sick destroy HOPE.
work in progress. trying. sara says she doesn't think they will be at the family gathering. she plans to be with her married family for two gatherings. but not ours. sam got moody when i suggested a gathering at my house.........asked sara and she seemed generally indifferentt ---- to date i haven't heard anything from anyone about any Christmas invitations to anything. I may be spending Christmas alone. It's December 18th...........seems odd that no one has said anything so far.
Yes, I am feeling unwanted. A misfit toy.........what did I do? Who did I do it to?
I thought the key to Christmas Spirit was to simply COMMIT.....turn on the music, do the holiday things that give from the soul...........currently feel unstrung, unstrong, uneverything. this is a temporary feeling system, compare to a storm system.........they blow in, they blow out.
all these decorations and no celebration with the kids. feeling lost. and teary. what did i do wrong? do i want too much? .....maybe so. maybe i do. so confused. why don't they want to spend an afternoon and evening with their mom at this house? .......no answer is necessary. i'm blue enough.......
it will pass.........i pray that it will, right now my throat is really scratchy, nothing tastes good, my body hurts, but i did manage to do a few chores ......a sign of life is a good thing.
i miss you and i hope you will understand that i am out of it, but still praying with my two hands in care of you and yours..........and i will also pray to shake off this moody mood i'm in. this up and down thing where i feel like a house made of straw is unnerving. i want to feel like a house made of strong materials, with a strong foundation. made to withstand storms, blues.......occasional insecurity and the downside of illness. the downside being the doubts that i am worth spending time with........let it blow on by, blow over.......blow far far away and bring back that sunny day, smiles and thoughts of joy..
back to bed. hugs, wonky ruthie
Replies
I hope you feel better soon. You have all of my prayers. Much love. Heather.
Hi Ruthie.
Don\'t feel bad. Please. You are desired as a friend all over DS. You can \"have dinner with us\". So to speak.
I spent Thanksgiving alone, sort of by choice. All my friends were going to a family friend\'s house in San Francisco. Too far for me to go, not with all those people around. It would be passed out in an hour after getting there. So I stayed home and watched football. 3 games of football.
My father taught me football, starting when I was 8 years old. He was so patient with me, never complaining that I was ruining his game by asking constant questions. I guess he liked it. I was sort of his \'son\', when it came to sports. I was a big Tomboy.
So when I am alone, anytime I\'m alone watching football, I imagine that Daddy is with me. I imagine the funny things he would be saying. Sometimes, I make comments out loud, just in case he is somewhere he can hear me.
I\'m impressed that you decorated. Six of my neighbors don\'t even have Xmas trees this year. I guess we\'re all getting too old. Or too sick. Or old. It could be any of those things. I still feel like it\'s Christmas.
Other than that, I think of how it really is just one more day. There is a theory that Christians chose this time of year in order to compete with the Pagans, who had the Winter Solstice. I guess it\'s hard to start up a new religion when there is a big party down the street. Really, it\'s just a day. Jesus wasn\'t born in December. Experts think he was born in July. We probably should be celebrating his birthday on Independence Day.
I\'ll be thinking of you, Ruthie,
Marsha
I\'ve been blue myself and I really have no reason to. I think it\'s just that time of year. I feel too many things are expected of me. Too many people want things from me. It\'s been hard.
If we lived closer, I\'d invite you over to my mom\'s house and we\'d have a tiny Christmas, but we\'d be together.
I\'m sorry you\'re not feeling well physically too! Something\'s going around, for sure. Please take care of yourself. I think of you often!
Hug hug!
Did you know there is formaldehyde in almost all shampoo? I didn\'t either until I became allergic. After days of searching for solutions I gave up and went to the dermatologist. Slowly recovering itching preventing sleep, etc. Doc prescribed a cream (in my hair?) OK, so yes, overnight and prednisone pills. I feel good enough to do stuff. I just wish there was no bad effects and I could feel like this all the time. Oh well, we take what we can get. Hope you lose the blues and do something nice for someone else, It does help. Thinking of you often and in my prayers.
Serce,rest and be gentle with yourself.Sorry your got the blues and are not feeling well. and greenies
Not unusual to have the \"blues\" ramp up at Holiday time. Also not unusual for our kids to sort of \"disappear\" into themselves at these times. They don\'t get it that we moms like to know ahead of time what we\'re doing on a certain day. We like to plan things, organize things....and for those of us who are sick, we like to rest UP for things. You need to know you have something to rest up FOR! I hear ya!
I have to do without my husband\'s presence here in this house this year. That\'s kinda difficult. But I understand his absence. He\'s with Jesus...much better off. Your kids are here.....on this earth. They should be looking to spend time with their mother! I\'m not giving either one of them a pass on this one!
Love ya, wonkie birdie!! xo Left you a message!
Dear darling Ruthie.You haven\'t done anything wrong.All you ever do is give love to your children and to all of us here.My heart is hurting to see you in emotional pain.I don\'t really understand why Sam and Sara aren\'t going to spend Christmas day with you.Especially when you struggle all year, every year with so much ill health.You need that company and love more than your children\'s inlaws who I am sure lead more active social lives .I can fully understand why you are hurting. I want to fly on my private jet to Auburn and kidnap you and let them all wonder where you disappeared to for Christmas.
Problem is I don\'t have a plane and I\'m most likely going to be bedridden for Christmas the way this body is going.I can\'t get anything together.I have to not care otherwise I will just make myself sicker.
Be kind to yourself and let go.Accept the outcome despite ths pain.Focus on all the special days during the year that both Sam and Sara spent with you . Remember this day is to celebrate Jesus and all that he gave and sacrificed.Wrap yourself up in a blanket of that consciousness. Love him and know that you are loved .See that your decorations are mostly for him . Don\'t feel alone.Know your self worth.You are a precious individual eternal soul.Only one you.God knows everything and understands all that you feel.Whatever the outcome on Christmas day, draw on that joy within yourself and smile my beautiful friend..despite it all.All my love and gratitude always.