I decided last week that the house needed to have less junk in it. So in order to clean one place I needed to clean other places so I could put the things I was going to keep in the a place I cleaned up. It just a vicious circle....But I have almost got a storage area cleaned so I can put a filing cabinet in it to get it out of the room where I am going to put the dog.....With all that being said, I have been thinking also that I have gotten myself in a rut. After Khristy died I tried everything to try to get my mind off her and the way she died, me not having a close relationship with her when she did die all the stuff that comes with grief, so I stuck myself into starting a jewelry business, making a serenity garden, teaching myself how to play the guitar. Then just everything stopped. Nothing seemed to matter anymore....This week I seememd to have turned a corner and it does look so much brighter around that corner I turned. I have decided to start looking for another job for starter. I have been working at this nursing home for amost 7 years. The Matron is nice but I see nothing changing for the better and all my suggestions just blowing in the wind. I feel myself not caring anymore you know just doing my job and not doing anything else. Take for instance this mental patient I have talked about earlier. I have worked in mental hospitals in the states and know a little bit about what needs to be done. Like they really need structure and for bad behavior they don't need to be rewarded. Well I tried to get a routine with her, but the other nurses don't go along with it so therefore everytime I set the routine it goes out the door until I come back on shift again....That goes on every week.... I have talked to the Matron about this she agrees with me then she doesn't say anything to the other nurses and doesn't follow up so the behavior of the patient gets worse and we end up having to sending her to the hospital, which I think can be prevented if we all stick together with a routine and when she starts misbehaving giving her limits and consequences for her bad behavior. Like when she slapped a patient in the sitting room not allow her to go into the sitting room until she learned that hitting a patient is not acceptable.....Well anyway that's another reason for getting another job, I feel like I am just a body to fill in and my input about things just doesn't matter and I need a job that I do matter.....So since I have turned that corner my life seems brighter. There is also another thing that we are in the process in just thinking about it because there is a lot of things involved. The USA has said that they are to accept 20,000 Irish people to get visa to come over to work for a year. I don't know how they are going to do it since employment isn't very good in the USA at the moment, but it does open up for us to come over and work for a year and be around my family for a year, but like I said we have a lot of things to consider and don't know if we can swing it..... So now I am going to get out of my PJ's get my ass outside because the sun is shining(yes there is a sun in Ireland) try to get some yard work done because the weeds have taken over everything......Pretty soon they will be in the house if we don;t do something about it.LOL Well everyone take care until next time.