Ugh the mood disorder is rearing it's head aka coming back

Ugh sometimes my need is an absolute bottomless pit.

I found today, though I have tried very hard to objectify myself to manage

myself, that in the end my need for wanting a subjective relationship with myself

was knocking at the door. 

I in turn let all that happen and had some pleasureable things. It seemed

my body and mind were comng together - knowingly. -Though the need lessoned at first,

it then started climbing back up as extreme yearnings inside. Luckily I remembered

that this is because I have a mood disorder.

My moods and desires will get extreme at times in addition to not having great

cognition about it - at least not until now.

I was noticing when things at first got all subjective that I was a whimpery little kid,

wanting to run to family members to save me. When I in fact I stepped back

and realized that I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS - I NEED TO SURVIVE AND MANAGE AND COPE-

IT'S SOMETHING THAT INDIVIDUALS HAVE TO DO - NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR ME - THOUGH WE HAVE EACH
OTHER IN SUPPPORT.

You have to take care of yourself and your needs and concrete things like a job and a roof over your head 

and I have to admit

the more I'm honest about it the more I successfully cope with my need as a normality for me. It's an extreme

need and ebb and flow - but it's becoming familiar like another person in the room.

But I also have to say guys - I come back to this issue again and again - it's like GROUND HOG day -

I forget that I am going to wake up each day and be in the same show. Have the same faculty -

similar but different experiences ultimately that I have to make a kind of peace about in the end.

Have a great day - duty calls down at church! xxoo