Ugh

I feel rough today. I'm REALLY drowsy and fatigued today, and my mindset overall isn't very good.

I want to immediately point the finger at the Luvox; and in many respects the side-effects of the medication probably does have something to do with this obvious step backward in my recovery today. But of course it's not that simple.

Last night I was trying to fix a router for the family business at the office. I didn't really want to, but I've been putting it off since March, so I took the opportunity. I realized that things weren't going well at the office so I brought the router home to set it up there. I did a factory reset on it, but then I couldn't gain access to it at all!

I freaked out. I got angry and I started shouting. I immediately felt my stress/anxiety symptoms flare; along with some others that were causing me some grief all day yesterday (Hot Flashes/Sweats). I eventually got the router working, but then was told that I couldn't go in early the next day (today) to re-install it because people were showing up at the office very early in the morning; we had to take it back last night.

The problem is that by the time I fixed the router, it was already almost 10pm. I wanted to be IN BED by 11pm after at least 30 minutes of wind-down/meditation. So, we went to the office to reinstall the router and test all the computers to ensure they could still access the server. It actually went pretty well, but it was almost 11:30pm by the time we got home.

I still meditated and was in bed shortly after midnight, and even seemed to sleep well!

But today, my body doesn't care. It's like it's gone out of it's way to punish me for doing something highly cerebral late at night; which caused me some significantly heightened stress; throwing my entire evening routine out the window, for the family business, which comes with it's own set of issues and triggers. Like how DARE I!?

I'm just so sick of playing this game. I've had my entire summer stripped from me because of this fucking medication; medication that I resisted taking for a LONG time because I feared the side-effects (worst thing you can do to something with Health Anxiety is give them medication that makes them feel ill as a side-effect). I literally live day to day because I truly don't know how I'm going to be from one day to the next. It's been hell, and I've been living that way since June. I'm beyond frustrated!!!!