Okay, so now I'm on two medications. The prozac and the seroquel. The seroquel is supposed to calm me down, since I'm still getting used to the prozac side effects. It's been a week and I'm feeling fairly better some days. Today I don't. The seroquel didn't calm me down. It made me very tired, but I was still so nervous it was hard for me to sleep! I finally slept then woke up in the middle of the night again. I'm now worrying non-stop about whether the scary thoughts and images will ever go away! will medication ever work for me?! I seem to be getting slightly agoraphobic as well. I'm afraid to leave my house, but at the same time, I'm still nervous here. So I don't know! I know in order to recover you have to keep telling yourself it's only your anxiety, everything will be okay, it's temporary, it'll pass. I keep trying but the negativity is so overwhelming and I get discouraged so easily. Sometimes I don't even realize what I'm thinking. It's upsetting because some people don't think I'm trying and I am! I try but I just get frustrated and scared so easily. This is why I fear I'll never recover. I'm also stubborne. I feel like since I feel like i can't do this..I wont be able 2. I feel like I'm afraid of myself!! I torture myself all the time by constantly thinking I can't do it and nothings ever gonna work for me. I try to change how i think but it's obviously really hard. I try for a bit then im like "OMG I CANT" and freak out so easily. I developed a fear of my meds now as well. I can't explain why. I guess a lot of it is because I feel like none of them are ever gonna work, they just seem to have been making me worse. I feel like I'm different or something cause so many people are helped by them and i can't seem to find anything. I get so overwhelmed by terror sometimes about all this I feel like I'll never be able to have a normal life. Then I start to obsess over dying and how afraid i am of death. This consumes my life! I wanna know it's possible to not fear death and everything else like this. I feel like it's impossible, although I logically sorta know it's not I feel like it's impossible for me. I try to tell myself I wasnt always this bad but its so hard sometimes. I am SO tired of all this ruling my life and I'm almost afraid to confront it. Is it sick that I'm sometimes afraid to be happy? I don't know why. Maybe it's because at the moment I'm so scared to have to do anything on my own or have a responsibility..which may also by why I keep thinking about dying so much! I don't really know what to say anymore. I woke up so nervous this morning and went to bed so nervous last night even with both meds and being exhausted. I'm SO SO SO tired of this. I cry all the time and I feel like crying now.