ughh

Okay, so now I'm on two medications. The prozac and the seroquel. The seroquel is supposed to calm me down, since I'm still getting used to the prozac side effects. It's been a week and I'm feeling fairly better some days. Today I don't. The seroquel didn't calm me down. It made me very tired, but I was still so nervous it was hard for me to sleep! I finally slept then woke up in the middle of the night again. I'm now worrying non-stop about whether the scary thoughts and images will ever go away! will medication ever work for me?! I seem to be getting slightly agoraphobic as well. I'm afraid to leave my house, but at the same time, I'm still nervous here. So I don't know! I know in order to recover you have to keep telling yourself it's only your anxiety, everything will be okay, it's temporary, it'll pass. I keep trying but the negativity is so overwhelming and I get discouraged so easily. Sometimes I don't even realize what I'm thinking. It's upsetting because some people don't think I'm trying and I am! I try but I just get frustrated and scared so easily. This is why I fear I'll never recover. I'm also stubborne. I feel like since I feel like i can't do this..I wont be able 2. I feel like I'm afraid of myself!! I torture myself all the time by constantly thinking I can't do it and nothings ever gonna work for me. I try to change how i think but it's obviously really hard. I try for a bit then im like "OMG I CANT" and freak out so easily. I developed a fear of my meds now as well. I can't explain why. I guess a lot of it is because I feel like none of them are ever gonna work, they just seem to have been making me worse. I feel like I'm different or something cause so many people are helped by them and i can't seem to find anything. I get so overwhelmed by terror sometimes about all this I feel like I'll never be able to have a normal life. Then I start to obsess over dying and how afraid i am of death. This consumes my life! I wanna know it's possible to not fear death and everything else like this. I feel like it's impossible, although I logically sorta know it's not I feel like it's impossible for me. I try to tell myself I wasnt always this bad but its so hard sometimes. I am SO tired of all this ruling my life and I'm almost afraid to confront it. Is it sick that I'm sometimes afraid to be happy? I don't know why. Maybe it's because at the moment I'm so scared to have to do anything on my own or have a responsibility..which may also by why I keep thinking about dying so much! I don't really know what to say anymore. I woke up so nervous this morning and went to bed so nervous last night even with both meds and being exhausted. I'm SO SO SO tired of this. I cry all the time and I feel like crying now.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I know exactly how you feel. It\'s horrible when your entire day feels like you\'re on the brink of tears and your nerves won\'t loosen up. I wish there was an easy solution- just keep pushing through! Sometimes it\'s still really hard, but I don\'t feel as bad as I used to so it does get better. It will.