Two Years Later

It has been over two years actually since I last wrote in my journal.  It has been a good two years for the most part.  My family is doing well, I have been good.  My anxiety has actually been really good these past two years.  Not that there hasn't been bumps in the road of course but I made sure I didn't fall into old habits of panicking and thinking the worst, googling my symptoms, etc.  I reread my old journals entries and I am happy to report that the sit down pain that I was worried about has pretty much gone.  So what ever was wrong must have healed itself.  I still think it was due to my last child birth being so long, I think I injured something and it finally healed enough to no longer cause me pain.  

Sooooo as well as I was doing with my anxiety, I completely fell off the wagon, this week.  The last couple of months, and this is tmi so read at your own risk, I have been having itchy boobs/nipples, no rashes or redness just itchy and mostly on my right side.  I think that it has only occured during my period.  I have read some articles and they listed several reasons as to why.  One of the reasons was that the hormones during your period could make you itchy.  They also list some less benign reasons as to why, like two different forms of rare breast cancer.  Now the first time I read this article I did not click on the link that would give you the symptoms I know better.  When the itching went away I chaulked it up to a fluke, but then it came back this month once again my right boob itched, so I read the article again only this time I did click the link and I spirilled down into a reading a bunch of stuff that was only going to make me think the worst.  So of course now I am very anxious that I might have cancer.  I woke up at 3 am unable to go back to sleep because of all of my downward circling thoughts.  So I am very tired today.  I know Just need to talk to my obgyn about what I am afraid of that way at least I can see what she thinks about my fears.  So I went to book an appointment and wouldn't you know it my obgyn whom I love and is so awesome is leaving the practice and is no longer taking appts.  The remaining obgyn's are booked until the second week in dec.  Plus I would have to see a guy unless I want to wait until the third week.  The practice only has two women doctors and I prefer to see a woman obgyn.  I think they just can understand better what you are going through.  

I am going to wait for my period to be over and see if the itching stops again because I have to think if it is only during my period it can't be the worse case scenario because you would think it would be constant rather then only happening when I am on my period.  I figure I only have a couple of days left.  I am trying to keep my anxiety down by staying off google and webmd but it is hard.  I don't want to go down the dark road of Health Anxiety again it is awful and I hate it.  

I am hoping my writing out my thoughts and fears I will feel better.  I find I take comfort in my old journal entires and so maybe future!Anne will take comfort in this one.  I will update with when I go to the doctor and what they say.  I hope and pray for each of you that may be struggling.  And I pray for comfort for us all.