Two years four months
I am trying to figure out the answer to the question. The first year Ken was gone I cried forever.
I kept being told that was normal so every day I wrote my journals and everyday I continued to cry for my loss.
Then I got to hearing that the second year was worse and in someways I agreed as I went through it it seemed it was the second year was when reality hits and the fact that they are gone and not coming back no matter the tears that had been shed. The questions wit no answers to them. That is what I called it reality. Now
Two years some months has passsed and I have realized I have journeyed no farther then the first night my son Ken took his last breath. So I wonder when I read that others seemed to have advanced especially after the first year and the second year yet I have not stepped. Forward I don't even know where I want to be yes I do I want to be back before the hollible cancer took my son away. I just really don't like this life that has been thrown my way yet there is no choices. It stars me in th face every day.
So I guess my question only I can answer. Each person has their own time table. And I think my timetable will always be the way I felt that horrible night at the UAB ICU room knowing my son was no longer a part of thi world. There in that bed laid a body a shell that had enclosed my son,s soul and spirit but now there on the bed just laid a shell that once breath and talked and laughed and cried and wanted to live. There upon that bed was the son I bad brought into this world to love and hold and kiss and enjoy and become friends. Now I am left with mostly my tears. My loniness
I kept being told that was normal so every day I wrote my journals and everyday I continued to cry for my loss.
Then I got to hearing that the second year was worse and in someways I agreed as I went through it it seemed it was the second year was when reality hits and the fact that they are gone and not coming back no matter the tears that had been shed. The questions wit no answers to them. That is what I called it reality. Now
Two years some months has passsed and I have realized I have journeyed no farther then the first night my son Ken took his last breath. So I wonder when I read that others seemed to have advanced especially after the first year and the second year yet I have not stepped. Forward I don't even know where I want to be yes I do I want to be back before the hollible cancer took my son away. I just really don't like this life that has been thrown my way yet there is no choices. It stars me in th face every day.
So I guess my question only I can answer. Each person has their own time table. And I think my timetable will always be the way I felt that horrible night at the UAB ICU room knowing my son was no longer a part of thi world. There in that bed laid a body a shell that had enclosed my son,s soul and spirit but now there on the bed just laid a shell that once breath and talked and laughed and cried and wanted to live. There upon that bed was the son I bad brought into this world to love and hold and kiss and enjoy and become friends. Now I am left with mostly my tears. My loniness
Replies
Sandy somedays I think that things just happened yesterday and other days I can tolorate life. This week has been a week of not so good. I just hope and pray for better weeks, I guess that is all any of us can do. We try to live life as best we know how. I wish for better days for you so you can smile and think of good times.
Big bear hugs Penny
Sandi, My heart goes out to you. It has been 3 years 7 months since I was told at 7:30 on a Monday mornng that my son was gone by my older brother, bless him. When I think back to then it is like yesterday also. It hits me still at the most unexspected times. I don\'t know if that will ever leave us. My Mom still talks about the day they found my brother gone and she still gets tears in her eyes after 16 years. I feel a big part of my heart is missing and not matter how happy or joyful a day is I still have to take some time to go to the place that lets me weep for my son and missing him. I think what you are feeling is very natural and it is your journey. I wish you much peace, comfort and joy in your life and for your family. Hugs and peace Lynette
I know how you feel. we will always have a big hole in our heart and life. seems I cry some almost every day. It just is not fair
i think how ever many years, it still feels like yesterday - that\'s not to say we don\'t deal with it differently or can hide it differently or live with it differently - but it\'s always going to be there. We can\'t make sense of it nor can we ever get over it, Hopefully we can live with it, though. But as you say, everyone\'s journey is different and there is no time frame - nor should there be.
Take care ~ Joanna
The first year after my husband,Sam died I look back and realize that I was in total shock that whole year. The second year reality began to set in. The pain got worse, instead of better. The third year I began to accept it and realize he was really gone and never coming back.
Now I am in the first year after Deans death and it is so much worse. I know we will always miss our sons and the huge voids they left in our hearts can never be filled. ((((HUGS))))...Julia
Dear dear friend Sandi. I so understand. I am coping mostly by avoidance - going places, doing things (I am lucky in that I am healthy and able to be active). I still shed tears every day - sometimes more than others.
Life will never hold the happiness we felt before we lost our children. I can laugh and enjoy myself but there is always the underlying sadness knowing that Lisa is not here to share the joy. We will always have that big hole in our hearts.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
Sandi there is no answer to your question. I agree our fate in this life sucks. If I had it the way I wanted I\'d be in heaven with Jason, but his daughter needs me here, and my other son needs me and my other granddaughters need me. You too are needed by your family and we need to be here for them, not for ourselves. I have to think of them and plan things with them to keep myself going, making new memories that I can draw on when I\'m down.
Love to you and your whole family and especially to Ken. Terry
We don\'t have any choice but to endure....and to know that this is not our home. I love that song....it means everything that I believe in. I hope you will \"advance\" to a new phase...a peaceful phase...but we just don\'t know when that is sometimes. Each of us has our own individual journey with this grief....although our suffering is a common bond...we also have a healing process and the goal of peace is achieved differently for each. At least, that is what I have observed by being here....reluctantly, so, I might add....who wants to be HERE???? Some days I am glad that my Brandon does not have to go through more crap on this earth...and selfishly, if I had MY choice I would have him back....but why would I wish that on anyone? Pray for peace, Sandi....it will come one day when you least expect it....love and good will..dale, brandon\'s mom
Dear Sandi,
Your steady grief is pure love, unwilling to crumble, and I have ALWAYS respected it. I don\'t think the rest of the world has any idea what it feels like to walk around and look like a normal person but have this bottomless pit of grief inside your ribcage. We probably look too good, haha, even on a bad day. Nothing could convey the pain. All we can do is take care of each other, like Abby said to me, even elephant and monkey mothers comfort each other in grieving for their babies.
Hugs all around ~~
xox Sarah
I\'m with you on this path of learning how to live with the worst heartache a mother could ever be asked to endure. This path of grief is like a huge spiral for me with ups, downs and in-betweens happening sometimes all within nano seconds. You are right... there is no timetable and we are each as unique with this as our children are. Yet, there are those common tethers which bind our hearts in the most beautiful of ways here. Just knowing that you can say what\'s in your soul and others get it... Oh, how I wish I didn\'t yet I do as do you when I pour my heart out.
The most tender of care to you as you live your questions even without knowing the answers.
Gentle hugs,
Joanie
I am so sorry Sandi. Yes, your life has changed forever. It is the \'new normal\' we have all been told we now live. I am in my 5th year and this year brings a new kind of heartache. I seemed to have settled into what I expect will continue for the rest of my life. Living a life that is always and forever missing my Angel. I don\'t expect to ever be the same. I live my life in parallel lines...my living life and my grieving life....all happening at the same time. Sometimes in the midst of a joyous moment I stop and cry again missing my Angel who is not here to experience this joy with me. I always say I am living two lives.....the one I live when others are around and the one I live when I am alone.
When I was in my 2nd year, I didn\'t know what was ahead..it was all still so new. I now know and what I know is that at some point I had a decision to make. I chose life...Deanna would have wanted it that way. In life, she was happy when I was happy and it is no different now. I suddenly realized how upset she would be if I was not ok......so now I live for her.....to make her proud.....to make her smile.....to reassure her that I am ok. All the while missing her and knowing we will meet again one day.
Live the best life you can for Ken AND for Morgan....make them smile. All the while you are missing your precious son. It\'s just the way it is.
hugs,
Fran
None of us will ever be the same after losing our child...that is a fact we unhappily share. Each of us continue in this life differently so there is no timeframe under which we should be healing...we just heal when the moment comes to us personally. We all have scars upon our hearts forever that no one can see on the outside, but our sisters here know they are there. It helps me to think what our children would want for us now, and that is to live life for them as best we can. Take life one day at a time and know Ken is with you forever in your heart, mind and dreams. Hugs, Amber
What would we do without each other....love you all of you