Two weeks finally

It feels a lot longer, something like a month or so. I tried some writing but my mind won't let me. I understand that there are no middle points when dealing with porn but I want so much just to watch some short videos. I know that's a lie because some minutes will lead to many minutes and to masturbation. 
I miss C. After all that I've learned a part of me keeps wondering why things between she and I had this shitty ending. I know why but what I mean is why are things like this? Why is she like that? She is not the sweet, kind and nice person that I wanted her to be, she is this bitchy girl who doesn't care about me. It sounds so silly now that I put it into words. She is not the girl I loved, she is someone else, simple. I can't blame this person for not being the one I loved. I hope I can soon forget about her.
I'm still hungry for love and sex, that is not good but I don't want to screw up so badly again. I have to stay out of trouble and choose wisely. 
I kind of said that my teacher is not teaching what he is supposed to and he may have heard me. I'm not sure really. A couple of hours ago I this didn't bother me at all but now I'm wondering if my teacher heard me.
I'm anxious and frustrated but feeling a little better after writing all this. I'm waiting form my classmate's reply but he is not answering. I think I'm gonna have to ask him some other day. I'm scared because once I finish writing, I'll have to choose whether I shut down  this computer or search some girls on internet. I know I have to shut down the computer but the idea of finding girls online is appealing too.
 
I can't give up. I have to try to stay away from porn.