two moore days till son home.

well, its thursday. i only have two moore days till son comes home. im so scared about it. im going to have to be so strong. i dont knwo what to do. going to make ANOTHER contract for him, but i HAVE TO  enfors it this time. this is so hard on me. i wake in a nervouis state even with all my meds. im terrified. i cant show fear. i have to stick to my guns this time FOR SURE. going to have to realy be strong. i feel so week. i cant believe i did it again. wene he moved back the rules lasted a couple week with me constantly bitching at him. then i caved AGAIN. thats my mo. im going to have to be ready for the mental tourture. have to be ready for the fights, and cant back down. if i cant do it this time, then i dont know. between him and boyfreind and uncle dying, im loosing it. so glad i can write in this. took me 2 hrs to get to here. bad internet day. oh well, need to go and eat, have to get up early tommorow. ok, by for now.  just took my xanex, so ill be hungery soon. ok, will try to get on here tommorow while i still can if it will work for me. ok, by for now.