Turning a New Leaf...
I burn out of motivation really quickly usually because I put 110% of my energy into something constantly and when the first sign of failure comes along, I just give up and let it go... my thinking is "I spent so much time and energy doing it so well and maticulously, why didn't it work out this time? I guess I can't do anything right. What is the point of trying when you ultimately will fail?" I know thats not the right thing to think, because with failure comes sucess, the key is to pick yourself back up and try again, and repeat... but it's hard to re-write a program that has been engraved into your subconscious...
However, something clicked last night... whether it was from the many talks from my sister or it was from advice from a friend in response to one of my posts on DS or it was an overlap of what they both said, but
I am determined to make a change!
I am determined to make time for ME!!
I am determined to figure out what makes ME HAPPY!!!
I know it won't be easy, but I know that I have a good support system from my parents, sister, best friend and now the DS community :)
Today I wanted to share a picture of my dog and why she is a blessing to me! Here she is: 
Her name is Gopika. She is a 4 year old Chorkie (Chihuahua/ Yorkshire Terrier Mix)! Ive had her since she was 12 weeks old and long before I was clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She has been there by my side constantly - literally, she has to be physically touching you or she will not relax!
The reason why I wanted to share her with y'all is because she is super important to me and my healing process. About 2.5 years ago, I was suicidal. I never attempted it because as I was thinking about how I would do it, I would always think about what would happen to her... and I just couldn't let anything bad happen to her. She was the sole reason why I never attempted... later, after getting help my reasons expanded... I couldn't let my parents and sibiling go through the loss of a loved one, even though I thought that their lives would so much better off without me. Even though I still battle with depression constantly, I am no longer suicidal... My little pup still continues to help me through my depression by forcing my out of bed to take her on walks and get out to the store to buy her food... even though they are the simplest tasks, I fail to see that they are really big, helpful steps to making me feel a little good inside!
Replies
>I am determined to figure out what makes ME HAPPY!!!
'You never enjoy the world aright, till the Sea itself floweth in your veins, till you are clothed with the heavens, and crowned with the stars: and perceive yourself to be the sole heir of the whole world, and more than so, because men are in it who are every one sole heirs as well as you. Till you can sing and rejoice and delight in God, as misers do in gold, and Kings in sceptres, you never enjoy the world.'
https://westernmystics.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/thomas-traherne/
glad you are turning a new leaf.. : )
aww your dog looks beautiful. .
animals are often a blessing. ..
They can be easier to deal with than people lol
im glad she gives you alot of joy
& help with motivation. ..
living life is a struggle when the added burden of depression is involved. .
there are no quick answers.
knowing 'yourself
& understanding what makes you feel positive & what doesn't
' takes time. ..
I've learned in times of dark depression
to not focus on the next 100 steps
but try make it step by step.
to know when to be gentle on yourself
& know when its time to push yourself. ..
Most people feel like they know themselves.
but don't self analyse their real truth of 'self'
each individual is like an onion with many layers. ..
since iv learned more about myself & also my conditions
its given me better understanding
& I use the tools of knowledge to guide me...
circumstances can play a big part in how our depression affects each day...
so its also accepting that there will be days
when sometimes the methods you learn to apply, fails to have influence on such days...
love is a great feeling to express
& quite often animals give an easier route
for us to give & receive love..
when im around my mother's dog
she's a little thing lol
I know the breed
but I couldn't for the life of me, spell it lol
yes I find as im stroking her & making a fuss of her dog
I'm caught up in the moment
& in that moment
it's like im in another world
far away from my probs lol
like I've gone through an escape exit
without realising. .lol
I hope you find some comfort and strength
from d.s
& its good you are determined to apply some changes
in order to feel more content in your life..
you deserve to be happy
& I wish you so much success with the start of this new journey
@soul2soul wow! that was really insightful and yesss! I agree with you about how being with the dog helps you get lost in the moment... Jennifer Aniston once said "the best thing about animals is that they help you embrace the present and they make you be present" and that resonated with me soo much because when im not actively engaging with my pup, im thinking about everything and anything at 1000 mph. but when i take the time to cuddle with her, pet her, play with her... my mind is 110% giving to her in that moment and life seems to be a little be easier even if its just for that moment!
and you couldnt be more right about how with depressions, the answers to the questions we want dont come so easily and quickly... to me thats frustrating because i see how easy it is for those people who dont struggle with mental health issues find it get those answers... but for us its all about taking it one step at a time, one day at a time... and that is something i am trying to get comfortable with along with trying to self reflect my true "self"... and to be honest, i am scared... scared of what my answers will be, scared of what my answers wont be... scared of the fact that i may in fact be a totally different person that i thought i was or would ever be...
Your dog is so beautiful and I, for one, am really glad you're here!
@CoDeGirl: Thanks so much, I really needed to hear that today :D btw, i love your username... is there a story behind it?!
Gopika is adorable Its easy to see how she would give you so much comfort and I am also so happy to see you are here.
Sending lots of healing hugs to you XXXXX
Yes, as you can probably figure out it stands for Codependent Girl. I am codependent. I really thought I had come further than this but I'm in this situation because I'm still codependent. I tend to think I can fix people. I'm learning that I can't. Steep learning curve!
I am really codependent too! and i finding it debilitating at times and it really sucks because I know in the end there is only one person I can count on and that is me... but Im not the best person for myself to be around most times... :( What are you doing to help with your codependency?
Well, honestly, I thought I had a handle on it until now. Mostly I tell myself I am not responsible for other people's problems. Also, a lot of people are broken and I can't fix them. I'm not capable and it's not my job!
Gopika is adorable! My pets we're a huge comfort to me after my son passed. They needed me for attention, food etc so I had to come out of my grief to care for them. It was a beginning. She was there for you, to go on, one day at a time.
Best of luck as you move forward. I've heard this quote and it's helped me..."The only true failure is in not trying at all."
Hugs, Linda
Should have read were - darn autocorrect, lol.