Tune-Up
Had my 3 month tune-up with my psychiatrist today. I was honest with him about swiping my husband's Ativan and causing him to run completely out. I told him there are times when my anxiety is worse which is the reason I did it. We talked over my options, of which there aren't many. I didn't want to give up any of my medications to try something else, I just wanted him to add more Xanax to my daily intake. He pulled out his PDR and read aloud the ordinary doses which are 1mg to 10 mg. HA!!! I only take 6mg...but he didn't want to increase my dosage. He questioned me about my daily routine and I realised I don't take my meds at the same time everyday, which he said could possibly have something to do with it. I will just have to be more disciplined. I usually wait until I start feeling the anxiety before I take them. So I am going to try to have my medication in my bloodstream before the anxiety kicks in. I am lazy...I am the same way about food. I never think ahead or prepare...I just wait until I get hungry before it occurs to me that I need to eat.
Then he asked the question everyone asks...sigh..."Do you get any exercize?"...Nope...then, "Do you get any sun?"..."Doc, look at me, I am so white I am almost transparent."
Maybe when it cools off...those precious few weeks of relief from the tortuous heat and humidity of Florida...but, probably not...just being honest, lol.
Hope everyone is having a good day, or at least a decent one!!!
Replies
Nothing I can tell you that you don't already know darlin. When I saw a therapist, she told me to walk in the sunshine for 30 min. a day. Said it would do wonders for my spirit and mental health, as well as my fat ass! (my words, not hers) And it did!!! I was also told to take any meds at the same time of day every day....it does make a difference. I also became a mall walker, LOL! When the weather didn't permit, I walked the mall. Just getting out of the house, though hard at times, brought a lot of healing.
For me, once I decided I was worth the effort, I made the necessary changes. Falling in love with myself and my "new" life was one of the hardest things ever; but MY truth is, Kala demanded it of me and I am just stubborn enough to keep fighting the good fight.
For ME, it was all about making up my mind....what I wanted the rest of my earth life to look like. There is more power of the mind than most realize. Where your thoughts go, your body follows...
I wish you continued healing and peace~
Hi Gina, I agree with Teri's comment. For me, I got to a point in my journey that I decided to try exercise, sunshine, anything that would make even a minor difference in how badly I felt. That being said I did incorporate the alternatives into my life but continued taking Zoloft (I started Zoloft about a year after Eddie passed away). And I take the Zoloft at the same time everyday mostly so I don't forget it, lol. One of the moms here at FMO told me that she decided that she didn't want to feel this horrible the rest of her life and made a decision to seek better. That made sense to me and I started to seek out little changes. I do absolutely still try & honor my grief. If I'm hit with a wave of grief I allow myself to feel it. Pushing it down is counter productive for me. It only comes out in other ways. And like Teri, I am too stubborn to let like kick me in the teeth again. I had no control over my son's passing but I was determined to live again to give life a message. I'm still here and Eddie will not be forgotten as long as I'm alive! Anyhow, just some things that worked for me. I think your plan to take your medication at the same time each day to maintain a level in your system before the anxiety hits is a good one. This is such a personal and individual journey that what works for one person may not work for another. May you find what it is for you that gives some measure of relief from this sadness. Love to you and dearest Cassi, Linda
I'm glad that you were able to speak with your doctor and to have a plan in place with your meds. I'm sure it felt like a relief to get it out there in the open.
I have to exercise as it's my upper. When I was living in Utah and the weather did not permit I purchased an elliptical trainer that I more that got my use out of. I had it in my office and could read while I was on it so that was a plus. We did not move it here because I knew I would be able to walk outside almost daily and I do. I have met some of the nicest people, made many a new fur baby friend and even had two rabbits say hello to me the other day. I notice such a difference in how I feel.
Just as Teri and Linda shared this is such an individual path and the mind is powerful. May yours gain the clarity that you need of what you are needing on all levels. Just start out small and I remember walking out to the mail box in the very beginning days used up all my courage. That was okay and I kept pushing my self imposed boundaries that I had placed upon myself when I felt they were no longer serving me.
You've got this, Gina. Keep listening and you might be surprised with what pops in as I always am. Sometimes I wonder if I've had an "alien invasion" or something. :)
Hand in hand, Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
Hi gina,
I'm glad you had your "tune-up" and will try and change a couple of things to help with the anxiety. I find it so hard to do anything - I just started Yoga twice a week and find I really like it. I've come to the realization that I'm not going to be a marathon runner but try to walk on a consistent basis (not always consistent) - I find the most comfortable place is in a over sized chair @ home..pretty soon, the chair won't be over-sized because my butt will fit perfectly LOL......
Such words of wisdom from Joanie, Teri, and Linda. Each response touched my heart and I will certainly think about their words and what has worked for them......I love these sisters....and you!
I tend to have to be 'forced' to do what's better for myself... I have often had to give thanks to God for the trials of my life that forced me out of my 'comfort' zone to do better by myself... I found it so difficult after Cara died that I nearly destroyed myself... I did finally come to believe that Cara loves me just as I love her yesterday, tomorrow and for always and decided I was worth helping... I pray your heart will be comforted and you'll find ways to incorporate healthy activities/choices in your life... You are such a kind giving person... qualities that are in desperate short supply... so I selfishly hope you take care of you for all of us, yourself and for Cassi. Hugs Elissa
Gina...I do not have much to add, as my SOTH's are so wise and have pretty much covered it all. I will just add my personal experience.
I, too, came to a cross-roads on my journey of grief...I told my self in a written journal, and then later in a DS journal, and then had to remind my self out loud (sometimes still do) that my soul wanted to live (my heart was not in alignment, nor my mind--but somewhere, somehow I heard my own inner voice). The message was short and sweet..."I could live my life or merely exist). I assume you know what my decision was. Looking back in time, it was that moment in time that I chose to live. Now, it was not overnight, but I knew that this was where I wanted to be...my soul needed to be. P large chunk of my heart is still with Daren--probably will always be...but I have realized that my heart can mend--scared for sure, but it continues to expand. I had some rough patches that threatened to bring me back to the place where I had to re-evaluate the pieces of my heart, but nothing has ever brought me to the dark place, since--probably never will, as losing our child is as bad as I think it can be for a mother.
I also found that walking works wonders for my outlook...I try to walk 2 miles, even if it is just once a week, but commit myself to T Th Sat. Working in the garden, even mowing the lawn helps me.
Love you, Ann
I find such love and help from everyone here and I know that you will feel it too. The advise is sound and truly helpful. Walking is the clearing of my head. I wish I could do more. Always keep trying and it will work wonders. Be Well!!!!!
I hated when people would tell me to get more exercise! I am a couch potato by nature. I feel much better walking daily (for the time being - I am not so good in bad weather). My moods fluctuate and I suspect it is because I take my meds when I think about it. My neighbour needs to take eye drops 4 times a day but has trouble remembering. She now sets the alarm on her phone. It might be worth giving it a try. Having said that, I should try it too! If I remember to set the alarm... Tight hugs