Tuesday Eve
I feel like writing a bit just to get my thoughts out there hoping I will be able to have a restful night sleep. I will probably be all over the place so thanking you in advance for "getting it"...
Well, last Friday @ work was one of the most traumatic, puzzling days I've had in a long time. We have a student on campus (7th) that has had seizures for over 8 years. This student is on so many medications and usually is able to function during the school day. We have a medication @ school that is given rectally if this student has a seizure lasting for longer than 5 minutes or clusters of seizures (3 in an hour)...I've been in the district 14 years and never had to give this medication. Well, you know where this is going - Friday was the day that I had to give this Rx to this student. Being a nurse, we have given all kinds of Rx through the years but there is something about the route of this medication and giving it to a student in a health office because they are non-responsive and watching a mother just sort of take it all in stride....Emergency Services called - didn't arrive for 15 minutes - student's respirations decreasing to 4, with a dropping Blood pressure because this medication is Diazepam (liquid valium) which is very effective to stop the seizures and SLOW EVERYTHING DOWN....Paramedics couldn't start IV's....Mother taking it in stride....all the while I just kept thinking of Jennifer in Neuro ICU with tubes, IV's, EEG, monitors....It seems like when Jennifer left this earth, every experience after that is magnified in my head & affects me deeply and for a long period of time. I am having trouble sleeping again...my mind just won't shut off..this student, Jennifer, this student, Jennifer....round and round.....urgh! today this student returned only to repeat what when on Friday. I was concerned regarding this mom's reaction until I went out to the car with her only to see her mother with Parkinsons that she also cares for....wow...you just never know what these people deal with do we?
Remember the mom who took an overdose and her daughter is at my school - well she tried to make it yesterday @ school but couldn't. Today she came, but couldn't make it either. I gave her a hug, listened to her talk about her mom....she is bothered because she doesn't know how her mom died. Her dad has chosen not to tell her @ this time, I guess so she is struggling with "how"...She knows that her mom struggled with her who she was and was not happy....oh how my heart just hurts for this girl.
Fortunately I have known her family for over 10 years so at least I'm a familiar face but nothing takes the place of her mom.....please keep her in your prayers....I am so sad for her but like I said earlier, everything seems just so magnified....the pain deeper, the experience bigger, the ability to "deal" seems harder and the effect lasts longer....? grief journey is multi-faceted I guess...just affects everything in my life for the rest of my life....SIGH....BREATHE.....SIGH....BREATHE.....
We might have a 7th grader pregnant.....need I say more.......
My plate is full right now with work so I'm trying to take care of myself @ home. I went to the ocean Saturday and relaxed, just felt my anxieties melt away....so grateful I'm a little over an hour away...
Sending much love to you all tonite - stay warm for all those sisters back east and in Canada...
Vicki
Well, last Friday @ work was one of the most traumatic, puzzling days I've had in a long time. We have a student on campus (7th) that has had seizures for over 8 years. This student is on so many medications and usually is able to function during the school day. We have a medication @ school that is given rectally if this student has a seizure lasting for longer than 5 minutes or clusters of seizures (3 in an hour)...I've been in the district 14 years and never had to give this medication. Well, you know where this is going - Friday was the day that I had to give this Rx to this student. Being a nurse, we have given all kinds of Rx through the years but there is something about the route of this medication and giving it to a student in a health office because they are non-responsive and watching a mother just sort of take it all in stride....Emergency Services called - didn't arrive for 15 minutes - student's respirations decreasing to 4, with a dropping Blood pressure because this medication is Diazepam (liquid valium) which is very effective to stop the seizures and SLOW EVERYTHING DOWN....Paramedics couldn't start IV's....Mother taking it in stride....all the while I just kept thinking of Jennifer in Neuro ICU with tubes, IV's, EEG, monitors....It seems like when Jennifer left this earth, every experience after that is magnified in my head & affects me deeply and for a long period of time. I am having trouble sleeping again...my mind just won't shut off..this student, Jennifer, this student, Jennifer....round and round.....urgh! today this student returned only to repeat what when on Friday. I was concerned regarding this mom's reaction until I went out to the car with her only to see her mother with Parkinsons that she also cares for....wow...you just never know what these people deal with do we?
Remember the mom who took an overdose and her daughter is at my school - well she tried to make it yesterday @ school but couldn't. Today she came, but couldn't make it either. I gave her a hug, listened to her talk about her mom....she is bothered because she doesn't know how her mom died. Her dad has chosen not to tell her @ this time, I guess so she is struggling with "how"...She knows that her mom struggled with her who she was and was not happy....oh how my heart just hurts for this girl.
Fortunately I have known her family for over 10 years so at least I'm a familiar face but nothing takes the place of her mom.....please keep her in your prayers....I am so sad for her but like I said earlier, everything seems just so magnified....the pain deeper, the experience bigger, the ability to "deal" seems harder and the effect lasts longer....? grief journey is multi-faceted I guess...just affects everything in my life for the rest of my life....SIGH....BREATHE.....SIGH....BREATHE.....
We might have a 7th grader pregnant.....need I say more.......
My plate is full right now with work so I'm trying to take care of myself @ home. I went to the ocean Saturday and relaxed, just felt my anxieties melt away....so grateful I'm a little over an hour away...
Sending much love to you all tonite - stay warm for all those sisters back east and in Canada...
Vicki
Replies
Wow, listening to all that you have to deal with each day, (and it is never ending), really makes me feel grateful for my own little world right now. You are a huge blessing to the young lives around you. But who is there for you when you need someone? I pray that our Lord will fill you with His courage, strength and wisdom, and that He will gently heal your broken heart.
Loving hugs, dearest Vicki. xxx
You are such a gift to these students. I hope that you can have some peace in knowing that you are helping them. Yes and remember to breathe, breathe. Hugs, Kathy
Wow Vicki. What a stressful week.
I can relate to the heightened feelings. We are not the same people - our emotions are fragile. I am a nurse but I could not work with children. I did very very early in my career. It was okay before I had children but I couldn\'t even think about it after I had Lisa and Andrew.
We have no idea what others are dealing with on a daily basis. I have to keep reminding myself about that! I feel so sorry for that mother.
You are so wise to take time for yourself. And having the ocean so close is a gift.
Keep on breathing - breathe, sigh breathe.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
This just sounds like so much to contain so I am grateful that you can here to share and to release. Those seizures sound terrifying indeed and that dear mom and her child.
Oh, how I wish that father would tell his daughter how her mother left this earth as she needs to know. You are a safe harbor for her, a familiar face and one that she needs right now.
Find those moments as you are with the beach, etc., that fill you as you are caring for other when you are still healing your battered heart.
Sending loving care and continued healing just for YOU and may those you are coming into contact with feel it as well. It takes a village and you are such a vital and needed part of it.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) and lots of deep sighs...
XO Joanie
Your plate does sound full for sure. Going to the beach sounds like something you needed. Continue taking gentle care of yourself, especially during these times of added stress. Surrounding you with lots of hugs.....Vicki
WHAT A HARD LONG DAY FOR YOU. THEN THE AFTERMATH THINKING OF YOUR OWN DAUGHTER WHAT HAPPENED WITH HER. I,AM LIKE THAT WITH MY DAUGHTER TO. I WILL SEE SOMETHING THAT BRINGS IT ALL BACK AND I GET ANXIETY THEN I WILL FEEL DRAINED. AND SLEEPY. I JUST LOVE NURSES SUCH A WONDERFUL CAREER . WELL I WON,T GIVE NO ADVICE TO A NURSE. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BLESS YOUR ANGEL HUGS AND LOVE MARY ANN
No advice, really...Just total understanding and wishes for a better tomorrow. So glad you live close to the beach ! I wish I did. The clos\'est thing for me, is the Mississippi River. Not nearly as pretty, lol...
(((HUGS)))...Julia
You are really dealing with such a lot - you are a special person to be able to provide a haven for those in need, when you yourself have so much grief. You are right, we do never know what goes on in other people\'s lives - what makes people do what they do. So much sadness everywhere. Hope you enjoyed the peace of the ocean - it\'s my fave place to be.....but since I live in Indiana it doesn\'t happen often! Take care ~ Joanna x
Vicki, you give so much and its bound to affect you, especially as you grieve your own daughter. So many layers to this grief...
Prayers for the young girl whose mom has passed. I believe young people can handle and need to know the truth as it is explained to them in a developmentally appropriate way. Addiction is a disease & the more it is spoken about the less stigma will be attached to it. I am sure your kind face and hugs are comforting to this dear girl. I am glad you came here & let it out. That\'s a lot to carry...hugs and peace for the week ahead, Linda