trying to rationalize my downfall

 
1 6 months after i was born my real father and my mom divorced2. my mother attempted suicide and left me with my grandmother for over a year when i was 4 and i never knew what happened i thought she abandoned me.3. when we went on vacatoin to my uncles when i was 6 or 7 i was molested by my cousin.4. my mother married my stepfather when i was 11 he was super strict and i wasnt allowed to do anything at all.5. my mom and my step dad seperated due to hi 95 year old mother needing his help and i wasnt even allowed to talk while we lived in his house. unless i was spoken too first they did get back together.however my mother basically paid rent for me to live on my own when i was 16 to 18, she would come home give me money for a pizza and go to my stepdads 4 or 5 nights a week.6 we did move back in with them however i again was not allowed to do anything i was 17/18 and i had to follow his rules and when he said jump i had to say how high.7. i went to a two year college i was going to transfer to get my bachelors in accounting, my mom said take a semester off and work, my stepdad said go back to school right away. well i did not have a choice i had to take a semester off due to financial aid, anyhow i was sitting in my room watching tv, waiting for a call back about a job, the manager at the restaurant said he would call me back in 5 minutes with a time. my stepdad came up and told me i had to shovel the sidewalk so the helpers that took care of his mother did not fall. i told him i would as soon as i got the phpne call about the job. he stormed out of the room and called my mom at work and told her if i did not go shovel the sidewalk right now he would take the cable box rip it out of the wall and shove it up my ass til i shoveled. any how that night i dropped on the floor in front of him and siad ohh yes master master whatever you say. i was kicked out of the house. to live on whereever i could.8. i moved in with my grandmother for a while she had partial onset of alshermers i was not even around but she called my uncle and said i pulled out a knife and tried to kill her. every one beleived her even my mother and i was again thrown out on the street. 9 i moved in with a friend for a couple months i was working, however said friends uncle was gay and his gay uncle moved in and tried to put the moves on me and i flattened him when he would not take no for an answer/ again homeless still not talking to my mother10, i got my own place was working full time and things where looking up, i still did not talk to my mom much she did try and help me when she could but still if my stepdad found out there would have been hell to pay. 11 my mom cosigned for a car for me, i got sick and missed alot of work, i still had a job but the car go repossessed, so after that my mother stopped talking to me cause i ruined her credit, meanwhile she paid off the car and it sat in her driveway. 12 fast forward about 7 years i have not talked to my mother in 7 years, i got married and my wife was pregnant i had a big house i had turned my life around on my own. i call my mother to tel her she is going to be a grandmother we start to talk, that was 14 years ago, my mom and my stepdad have divorced she lived in my house with my wife myself and my kids for a while, but my STBX wife who cheated on my and her got into a fight about what she did and my mom moved out. 18 months later my mom who is now on fixed income is moving back in with me we got a place together, 
13 my oldest daughter has bipolar and aspergers, she gets explosive and it gets ugly, my mom pretty much tells me how i should raise my daughter and if do anything other that what she tells me a fight breaks out, 
14  i lived in a two bedroom apartment after my divorce, i moved into another two bedroom apartment whch i will share with my kids one bedroom while she gets another. and i know deep down this is not going to work and i dont konw what to do, so i will vent it all out and suck it up  cause she is my mother regardless of how i feel about my situation but at 46 and single i live in a bedroom of a house i share with my kids, i must be a pathetic soul