Trying to Live

I feel like this is the only spot I can write in and feel safe.
I am feeling really low right now. 
I feel ugly, and insecure and unworthy. 
I feel like I am trash. 
In a room filled with people I feel invisible. I know its my fault, I cant keep conversation up for the life of me. I dont know what small talk is...and with me there is always an awkward silence. These people around me are like me, but yet so different. They scare me, there looks seem to find the lies. They know I am not one of them. Im a poser of sorts, I am a joke. Why do i keep staying because I wanted to see wanted. Sadly, I know that they will never. 
So this is me, lost and confused once again. my new motto....trying to live.