trying to just hang out

it seems like there are always two sides of a story when you're talking to other people.

for example, when I talk to my therapist, I spill my guts with the intense belief that she

understand everything I am saying, but once in a while

she'll say things like she doesn't really get where I am coming from, which is understandable

if you think about it..communication is hard and also just part of being humans that we can't always

understand what the other is going through. I tend to gloss over

the instances because I don't know what to say and I tend to be more in the momentum of the conversation

than self possessed enough to mince words. But I am thinking about it now and I know it's my 

responsibility to set the record straight when I talk to her and to also be aware that there's

a responsibility for me to tell her things clearly - as clearly as I can - because after all she is 

literally there to listen. And I get that it's a lot of pressure - she has so many clients.

I have been trying to 'go with the flow today' after this morning's journal scribbling - and the emotional

tide has risen and fallen - and I guess what that means is - I have a hard time going with my mood,

there always seems some intense up and down and then it's like - like a brick wall emotionally that I come up against that forces

me to shift perspectives and really deal with myself..I wish I didn't have to be so challenged to take

care of myself emotionally and psychologically - but I guess that's the nature of our struggles. It definitely

derails me from planning and acheiving a life...I have become so myopic to deal with the immediacy of my emotional life...and 

The only plans I have been making is the potential of cutting the chord on my cable channels - and getting

a digital antenna so that I can save even more money since my future resources are so 

potentially sporadic. Saving money now - is a lot more easy than saving money later - and I will appreciate it

all later one day - and probably won't regret it once i do this chord cutting.

So I am trying to just hang out - but having a hard time with my intense mood and pressure I feel from my body and mind - 

and maybe "that" some day I will sort out - but I'm not in a place to right now - I will bring it up with my 

doc on Tuesday...hopefully. I just gotta go with the flow 'trying to just hang out.' peace.