Trying to just breathe
It has been a weird couple of weeks. A week ago last Wednesday I woke up around 3am in massive amounts of pain, it was the worst pain I had felt since my ectopic pregnancy. After about an hour and half it let off enough for me to fall asleep. For the next 2 days my upper and lower stomach hurt every time I moved.
By Saturday I was a little better but my period was late, so I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. So I immediately think I am having another ectopic after all I have already had two what's one more! So it being saturday we go to the emergency room. After lots of blood tests and a very invasive ultrasound. The diagnosis was inconclusive, it could be ectopic, or a miscarriage or end in a healthy pregnancy. She did find that my left ovary was larger then my right due to a cyst which my have partal burst on Wed. thats why I had so much pain. Also if in a few days I still had fluid in my abdomen it would mean a bleeding cyst which they would have to go in and take care off. So they decided on a wait and see approach. Which I wasn't totally happy with but I was still hopeful for a full term pregnancy.
By Tuesday I was cramping and spotting but my hcg levels were going up not down so I was still hoping it would all be okay. Then by thurs. they were going down so my doctor said I would miscarry. By sat night I was back in the emergency room because my left side hurt. Which is the side I have my one remaining fallopian tube. I was afraid that I was having an ectopic. After a blood draw and many hours later they said that my levels were going down not up or remaining steady so I wasn't having an ectopic! Not that I actually believed, I was sure I was, because the pain was so much like my ectopics.
Well now I believe it is not an ectopic because not only have my levels almost returned to normal, with my ectopics the pain just kept getting worse until I was bent over in pain. Now I am still in pain on my left side but it seems to come and go. I think it is that cyst they saw. I hoping once my body hormones go back to normal the pain will stop. Because I have heard that hormones can make cysts hurt. If it doesn't I will have to go back to the doctor, because although I am not doubling over in pain it still aches alot!
Also I am profoundly tired today. I know logically my body has been going through a lot this past couple of weeks so that is probably why I am so tired. Plus I have been waking up early and not being able to go back to sleep which is one of my tale-tell signs of anxiety. So being tired today made my mind goes to the worst case scenario, cancer, some long-term ultimately fatal illness which they will discover to late. I hate my brain sometimes. I couldn't just be tired because of the miscarriage or the fact that I am not getting enough sleep.
So anyway I am hoping everything will go back to normal here soon because I don't want to go back to full blown anxiety or have to go back to the doctor's office.
I will try to stay calm and keep praying the Lord will help me.
By Saturday I was a little better but my period was late, so I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. So I immediately think I am having another ectopic after all I have already had two what's one more! So it being saturday we go to the emergency room. After lots of blood tests and a very invasive ultrasound. The diagnosis was inconclusive, it could be ectopic, or a miscarriage or end in a healthy pregnancy. She did find that my left ovary was larger then my right due to a cyst which my have partal burst on Wed. thats why I had so much pain. Also if in a few days I still had fluid in my abdomen it would mean a bleeding cyst which they would have to go in and take care off. So they decided on a wait and see approach. Which I wasn't totally happy with but I was still hopeful for a full term pregnancy.
By Tuesday I was cramping and spotting but my hcg levels were going up not down so I was still hoping it would all be okay. Then by thurs. they were going down so my doctor said I would miscarry. By sat night I was back in the emergency room because my left side hurt. Which is the side I have my one remaining fallopian tube. I was afraid that I was having an ectopic. After a blood draw and many hours later they said that my levels were going down not up or remaining steady so I wasn't having an ectopic! Not that I actually believed, I was sure I was, because the pain was so much like my ectopics.
Well now I believe it is not an ectopic because not only have my levels almost returned to normal, with my ectopics the pain just kept getting worse until I was bent over in pain. Now I am still in pain on my left side but it seems to come and go. I think it is that cyst they saw. I hoping once my body hormones go back to normal the pain will stop. Because I have heard that hormones can make cysts hurt. If it doesn't I will have to go back to the doctor, because although I am not doubling over in pain it still aches alot!
Also I am profoundly tired today. I know logically my body has been going through a lot this past couple of weeks so that is probably why I am so tired. Plus I have been waking up early and not being able to go back to sleep which is one of my tale-tell signs of anxiety. So being tired today made my mind goes to the worst case scenario, cancer, some long-term ultimately fatal illness which they will discover to late. I hate my brain sometimes. I couldn't just be tired because of the miscarriage or the fact that I am not getting enough sleep.
So anyway I am hoping everything will go back to normal here soon because I don't want to go back to full blown anxiety or have to go back to the doctor's office.
I will try to stay calm and keep praying the Lord will help me.
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