trying to get out of bed

After 9 and i'm still in bed. I slept OK last night....a few instances of waking up and that "ohhhhhh......" moment arriving. Managed to put him out of my mind quickly by reading a little bit and went back to sleep fairly soon. I'm finding in the mornings I grab for my laptop as soon as I can (maybe I need to stop keeping it near the bed)--check my email, then, as is becoming a habit now, check and see if there's anything in my "Trash" folder. That is where any messages from him would go now. Of course there's nothing there.

Last time we split up I did the same thing, and for the first 2 wks I checked the trash folder all the time. Eventually stopped, but 5-6 week after the split I woke one morning thinking I should check it. And there he was. He'd just written the night before. And I responded and in time we got back together. I'm starting to worry that if I don't hear from him in 5-6 weeks it's going to hit me hard. Need to stop thinking about that.

How can I take him back this time? This is the 2nd time (to my knowledge) that he's cheated, and he lied about it for months. How can I even think of taking him back? He'll just do it again.

the only way is 1) we get counseling 2) no passcodes, and his phone/laptop etc. are open to me--I can access his email, etc. 3) he's totally honest about everything that happened with his latest. I doubt he'll go for that. So why even entertain the thought?