Trying To Find A Life
Dear Fred:
Sometimes it is really hard to write to you. Shouldn't one have something noteworthy to say to their journal? Well, you are out of luck my friend. One day just sort of follows the other. It seems like instead of living life I am just numbly floating through what is supposed to be life. I am trying to find something that will give some feeling or meaning back to the time that is spent here.
Today I had a two hour meeting with Hands of Hope Hospice and a week from this coming Thursday the Social Worker will introduce me to my first hospice assignment. I am told they will be very careful as to what type of environment they put me in as they know I am still hurting and am struggling with depression. I do hope that in helping this person I will feel more like I am doing something worthwhile.
I also need to read more in this month's book club book. I doubt I will finsih it as it puts me to sleep before I have read very much. At any rate, I am hoping that by joining the book club I will make new friends and learn new thing.
Last week end I signed up to volunteer for The Humans Society of the Upper Valley. I need to contact them as they haven't been in contact with me. If they do not need any more volunteers I will contact the Bonneville County Human Society and help them with"play time" with their cts and exercise time for their dogs.
I am trying these things but life is still so very flat. I will keep on trying because I feel it would be a huge disappointment to Nick if I did not. I just hope that I do find something to bring me back to actually living before I run out of energy.
Tonight I am exhausted....again. I hope to turn in early. Read a bit and then lights out.
Good night, Fred. Thanks for listening to me.
Darlene 5/2/2012
Sometimes it is really hard to write to you. Shouldn't one have something noteworthy to say to their journal? Well, you are out of luck my friend. One day just sort of follows the other. It seems like instead of living life I am just numbly floating through what is supposed to be life. I am trying to find something that will give some feeling or meaning back to the time that is spent here.
Today I had a two hour meeting with Hands of Hope Hospice and a week from this coming Thursday the Social Worker will introduce me to my first hospice assignment. I am told they will be very careful as to what type of environment they put me in as they know I am still hurting and am struggling with depression. I do hope that in helping this person I will feel more like I am doing something worthwhile.
I also need to read more in this month's book club book. I doubt I will finsih it as it puts me to sleep before I have read very much. At any rate, I am hoping that by joining the book club I will make new friends and learn new thing.
Last week end I signed up to volunteer for The Humans Society of the Upper Valley. I need to contact them as they haven't been in contact with me. If they do not need any more volunteers I will contact the Bonneville County Human Society and help them with"play time" with their cts and exercise time for their dogs.
I am trying these things but life is still so very flat. I will keep on trying because I feel it would be a huge disappointment to Nick if I did not. I just hope that I do find something to bring me back to actually living before I run out of energy.
Tonight I am exhausted....again. I hope to turn in early. Read a bit and then lights out.
Good night, Fred. Thanks for listening to me.
Darlene 5/2/2012
Replies
Darlene, it is great that you are trying some different things to get some meaning back in your life........I know that it will be good for you and inturn for those that you are helping or meeting at your book club. Wishing you find some happiness and new friends on your new ventures.....hugs
Darlene,
All you are doing is nothng short of amazing. All the new things you are getting involved with to give this life meaning, and YOU my dear DO give others lives menaing through all that you are doing. I think the humane society is a GREAT idea! Playing with the little guys will be fanatastic for YOU and for THEM! Lucky little pets!
I know what you mean about the book club. I cant quite get to read too much and have gone to magazine and short articles so I can finish. i have stacks of books here, and I guess my focus isn\'t where it really needs to be. But this journal has made me want to try it again my friend. so see, you have inspried ME!!
I also understand going through the motions. Did it for a long time. But one day and I can\'t tell you the date because I don\'t quite know it myself, the motions started to become more than motions. They started to become LIFE. We all have our own unique moments when life comies creeping back in, and i kow that YOU will get there.
wish I could come and visit you! But sounds like you have a wonderful offer of vodka, hugs and renewing!!! I hope the two of you will HUG the stuffing out of each other and give yourselves and extra one for me!!! :-)
Love to you Darlene and know that not only Fred listens. WE do too and love you very much! diane
I know what you mean. But I think it is still good to do these activities even though we are left feeling flat. Activities do not =meaning &purpose. But in their own way I think they are very important for they are a vote for you by you that you WILL have life and give yourself the encouragement to start the process of creating a different meaning and purpose for you life.
None of this is easy, in fact it is excruciatingly hard and exhausting. But it is VERY important and I wish you every success at all you are doing.
May you find peace and comfort......hugs....
Darleen, getting out there and living again as you are doing will not seem like much till one thing touches your heart in either activity you do.
Since you will start hospice, God will put a soul in your path that will not only heal their souls but in the process, yours too.
You will be given a joy with the cats and dogs too, as they do need you too.
As for the books, I could never get to concentrate on my reading and even the bible caught my mind wandering. So, I settled for a narrator to read it to me.
Maybe you could find the book your supposed to read in audio. It will keep you focused.
Hugs & God Bless,
Always Praying for you dear freind,
Judy
Darlene, Kudos to you for at least searching activities that might be motivating to you and help you in some way out of this solitary existence, we widows seem to find ourselves in more often than not. Don\'t give up, keep trying, in time you will find that little switch that has yet to be flipped for the light to come in an start living again. I\'m grasping for straws everyday trying to figure out what to do with my life. When your life has been short circuited in such a violent way it takes time to rewire. Take care, keep moving forward! Love Connie
Darlene I understand the feeling of just going through the motions.......nothing compares to a life with our loved ones. What you are doing is amazing.....you are trying my friend.....as we wake up each morning we will give it one more try.....hugs to you, Lu Ann
You\'re trying--that\'s the important thing--as long as you keep trying you are making progress. Hugs
Hey, Darlene, kudos to you. We\'re all here for you to encourage you moment by moment. I think you\'re on the right path. Just take it slow and keep going. You\'re a wonderful, caring soul and have much to offer this old world. Lots of hugs to you. Chris
Darlene, It is wonderful what you are trying to do----you will find something that fulfills you and in the meantime you are reaching out and helping others.
You are inspiring to me.
Love and Hugs, Sal
Darlene, I think what you are doing is so wonderful. I have worked with the elderly and it is so rewarding. Hospice can be tough, but I am so glad you will be able to give someone comfort and the care they need.
Hugs,
Valerie