trying to find a balance

Recently i have been going through a break up. The relationship started off well with a few bumps in the road just getting to know each other and all that good stuff. She ended up getting really busy with 3 jobs to help support herself through grad school. I was trying to be supportive but I figured if she didn't have time for a relationship then what was the point in me trying? So I broke up with her and for the whole next week I did nothing but tried to get her back, and I did. It continued to where she didn't have time for me and if she did have time she chose to see friends, spend time with family, etc. I was unhappy cause I just wanted to spend time with her.
 
It got bad enough to the point that she broke up with me because "I was unhappy and she didn't have the time and was tired of not being good enough". I figured "ok this is gonna be good cause I wont be so stressed about seeing her and Iwont put so much pressure on her anymore and I can stay busy at work". This was not the case. I ended up missing her for the next week, more and more everyday. Once again I tried every thing I could to talk to her in person about every thing and make it all work out. (I forgot to add that all of this had been done over text.) She gave me the opportunity and we went to dinner and I spilled my heart out to her. She said she needed time to think everything over, which was fine I could give her the space she needed. So I carried on with my week and the weekend came and I decided to blow off some steam and go see my buddies at the college I graduated from, roughly 40 minutes away.
 
As it turns out she was down there too out with her friends who are mostly guys. I didn't bother her, I didn't even see her. I had a good long conversation with a few friends about my situation and what I should do. The night was drawing to an end and another friend showed up who had been at the bar for a little bit. I casually asked if he had seen her there. He had and he also added that she was making out with some guy. I lost it. I called her 20+ times and just became furious. I left 2 mean voice message and sent her a really mean text. Not calling her any names but just that I knew what had happened and I was extremely upset and why would you do that.
 
She texted me the next morning and had NO remorse for what she had done. I told her I didn't want anything to do with her and deleted her out of my phone, social networks, etc. I have been extremely depressed ever since. I can't get her out of my head and the good times we shared, and the thought of her being with someone else just destroys me. I sent her a really long email yesterday just about how I felt and I regret being such an asshole at times and if i could rewind I would do it right.
 
I dont deserve what she did to me one bit, even though we weren't together when she did it. But she was leaving me hanging in the balance and I figured she really was thinking about us and being together. If I know I don't deserve that, why am I so depressed? Why am I so hurt? Am I not good enough? Did i do something so completely wrong? 
 
I can barely sleep. I'll wake up with cold sweats or wake up really cold. My appetite is hardly present. I can barely focus at a job that I am only 4 months in. I want to feel better and stay positive but its so extremely hard for me. I moved away from family to start this job and she was the only person I know around here. I feel so alone. My closest friend is 40 minutes away without traffic. Text messages and phone calls only go so far. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I just need to be told its going to be ok and there is someone out there better for me who wont treat me like that. I'm so anxious and worried and sad. But I am doing my best to be positive I just need some help. Someone who cares, someone who's been through this and came out on top. I don't want her to "win" cause right now she is.