trying to cope with my nature

right now I am remembering the prayer style of the buddhist prayer group I went to when

I lived in Malibu. I really liked it and I think it is something I can take a lesson from.

I seem to go from hyper vigilance to keep my life and attitude in tact... to completely indulgent

and kicking back and relaxing. It's definitely like a type of pendulum binary type thing - but maybe

I am hoping to make it that way to understand it too. I think this prayer, chant that I learned is

a good measuring stick for me to try and cope with my nature. This seems kind of extreme - and I don't

know why I am extreme. It seems like I am a hard worker at work - and then come home and after

the responsibilities are taken care of I seem to have 'no gas' ..no 'tiger in my tank' (if you remember that one) ... for

anything else. I feel guilty that I am so unproductive outside of work - but maybe I can take that 'unessential attitude'

and appreciate what I do in reality and then also set myself in motion with a little risk and a prayer - Is it fear

or sloth? Is it live? or is it Memorex? :) Thanks for reading guys. I will chant/pray for direction and development.