Trying to be optimistic

June was a weird month for me. I try to at least write one journal a month on here.
My depression seems to be getting worse since my last journal. I felt like I was making alot of progress, but I guess I'm not. Alot just keeps happening and I just don't see what's so great about myself. My friend, family, and boyfriend love me alot and told me reasons, but I don't really see the point of me.
I'm just here to feel terrible and that's it. What's the point of that.
I try to be optimistic and try to tell myself that things will get better, but idk how much longer I can tell myself that. I've been saying that for most of my life. My life itself is slowly getting better, but my self isn't.
I'm trying not to fall into that trap I did after I left college. I was so severely depressed that all I did was lay in my bed and do nothing for months while trying to find a job. But, I feel like I'm not great at anything else.
I'm just tired of constantly being in pain all the time. It hurts everything and makes me so tired. Idk what else to do.