Trying so hard...

I cut again... on the 28th... I cut a lot....... v.v I feel so disappointed in myself.. But I've been so overwhlemed... Mentally I'm a complete disaster... I am tryign soooo hard not to give up.. All I do is upset people and make mistakes..  I have been going out daily and playing ball with my dogs, which is good, keeping me busy. But the okay feeling i get from it ends as soon as i come back in the house..  I'm not sure anymore... some things from my past have been really getting to me.. It's driving me insane... And I can't talk to the guy I have feelings for about it.. He just turns it into getting me to tell him every detail about the things that happened to me which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I can't seem to get him to stop trying to make me tell him... v.v Idk that to do....