trying not to drill down

I've been sitting here at home...after chores done today...

practicing a new idea that a friend told me yesterday and it really struck

a chord. I am trying to do things for myself that don't hurt me and bring me down..

and so I am trying to not drill down on ideas...

...as I sit here with Blue.. us alone in my home...after all chores are done..I am starting

to think in terms of what I want to do... The TV is on and it's droning away...

I have been thinking about buying a used bike to

cruise around the neighborhood on...I am also thinking that it would be a good thing to get it this Fall

since it's way too hot right now to spend time out of doors...

so I sat here for a bit more.... and I started to think in terms of "what I 'should' be doing" -

I'm thinking about my parents - I am thinking about what I could do in the community -

I know right now during COVID is not the best time to be doing anything outside of the home

and workplace...and yet I started to think about how I am saving money...and how thrilled I am sure

my parents would be if I were to make more money...and be completely self supporting...

but I think that's fear talking.. I have to remember that I have a disability and I am successful

at living within my means and also still adding a good amount to my savings account... I guess my 

guilt (or should I feel guilty about it??) that I may not be contributing enough or just wanting

to be in greater esteem in the eyes of the people I love - is all probably pretty common...

I'd like to make more money and I'd like to do more special things as well. So I guess this kind

of thought pattern just happens when I stay home alone at times...and so I am trying to not drill

down on things and not do things that hurt me but do things that help! :)