trying hard

to all my dearest friends whom i treasure so much THANK YOU for your kindness, and help, and most of all, for your non-judgemental understanding and advice to me. to let you know medically. they have found that there is some kind of damage to the pituitary gland, which is causing the pituatary to not create the necessary hormones. i have been put on eltroxin and oestregen.  i hope it will make me feel better, although i dont STILL know if this accounts for my passing out.i will be going for a scan to find out if its a tumor - if it is, he says it usually is benign.or there could be some damage to the hypothalamus from a virus in any previous surgery (as what happened with my heart).  so!  i am not as physically strong as i once was. so what. you will - i think - be very proud of me. i have taken a BIG STEP - i have started a course in massage.  i will be going once a week for a 3 hour session. i have already done my first one. my INTENTION is to get my qualification - about 3 months time - and then start a practice from home. one to earn money, two to feel more self worth, and three, it would probably just be mentally healthy for me. i AM limited in my passing out problem. i dont know whether it will be sorted or not. but maybe a good way of looking at it, is ACCEPTING it for now, accepting that for some hours in the days i cannot function, but with the hours i DO feel strong, i will do the best i can with those hours. what do you think of this kind of thinking, my friends?  you are all so special to me, and your thoughts mean so much to me. ps: fitting into those hours are also the needs of the kids