Trying Failing Regreating

Another night of sleepless torture. My level of confusion and anxiety is through the roof. I wish every memory had a button to go with it (keep it) (delete it) (change it) Unfortunatly this isn't the case.
Currently I have alot on my mind.
First: Him! I said something stupid and it came through to him as a threat that I would cheat. Since he was already upset that day, he was in blind rage. He doesnt understand how long it takes me to feel remotly comfortable around any male. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I let how bad I was hurt by his comments that night go to see from his side what I had done or said wrong to avoid a fight. I take responsibilty for what I had said and tried to see if he would take a moment to see how I actully said the comment (it was over a text message). I am not the cheating kind. I feel like I am home with him and I would not be as stupid as to throw it all away. But he says he's lost trust and I'm hurting so bad. We've talked about it before and I sacrafised friends who upset him deeply to prove "hey I'm only for you I dont need them". I didnt do it because I felt I "had to" I did it out of the purness of my heart to show him I would make many sacrifices to make him happy. Because of my sexual past I have problems with males and trusting them. But at the end of the day the only person I want by my side is him. The only person I want giving me sweet nothings is him, not someone else, I have no intrest in someone else. And I do get parinod sometimes that he is looking for someone better than me, but I trust him enough that he wouldnt cheat.
So how then did I turn so ugly with one comment that was taken wrong? I see how I said it was wrong and how it could have been taken wrong. At the same time, I never even got a chance to defend the comment and the tone of my voice or emotion or sarcasim that went with the comment. It was taken too serious and wrong. I'm so confused how do words make someone lose trust just like that? I've been working on my issues so I tried to let him calm down but nothings working. He's always saying no fighting, so I let what I was feeling aside, took resposibility for what I said and tried to calm the fire and I still lost? I don't want to fight with him at all. We've done the fighting, now is the time when I just want to get our life started it will be slow and I will have to learn paicents but he is worth everything I have put in.. But am I not worth the fight to him? He knows me so much better than this. He knows I would sacrifice anything for him, I'd do whatever I had to, to be able to be near him so why am I being doubted? How many things have I truely done wrong?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

There are no winners in a fight. Just an angry person and a sad person. When ever I get in a fight I try not to yell. When people yell it becomes a case of the loadest person is more correct. I think you did the right thing by waiting a while then trying to explain your point of view. Words and how you say them are very powerful. Although you might not have ment anything bad by what you said it might have come out wrong. There is nothing you can do but explain to your boyfriend what you meant to say. The only hard pert is figuring out when is a good time to discuse these things with your boyfriend.
Heavensburden
Heavensburden

Thank you for your support. I never like yelling and fighting is so damaging. My question is how do I know its the right time to discuse these things without seeming like I\'m trying to force him to talk?
deleted_user
deleted_user

To be honest there is no set time to clear the air. A good rule of thumb is atleast a day. You have to wait until the anger from the fight has cleared the air so it might be more than a day. It is important you explain your feelings clearly and do not start another fight. A good thing to remember is to never say \'you make me...\' For example do not say \'you make me feel angry when you...\' That puts blame on the other person and you are trying to avoid blame. You are trying to express how you feel/think. So what you would say is \'I feel angry when...\' It is a small but important difference. Oh and always have a \'because\'. I feel angry because... that way you are explaining your self. To sum it up start statements with \'I\' and give an explanation of why you feel that way with out blaming anybody.