TRYING.....

Sunday night late:   I am still trying...  These past couple of weeks have been so tough!  Adam was having a really hard time today as this would've been his and Melissa's 18 month anniversary of being together.  They had planned a small vacation to St. Louis.  My heart aches for him!  I talked to her Mom yesterday and like all of us she has a better day, then a worse day.  None are good.  I am trying to be supportive but I am hurting so much myself right now.  I had my own mini-meltdown today over Scott.  I was telling his Dad which drawer Scott's "short" socks were in and he might as well use them.  I can't give them away or pack them yet.  I haven't been able to pack any of Scott's clothes away yet.  Craig kept telling me it was ok 'cause we don't need the room anyway.  I don't know when/if I will ever get to that place.  I think I still want to believe this is all a really bad dream.  But, I know it is not.  And now, Melissa.  I was so looking forward to her going camping with us this summer and so many other things.  I just don't get it.  And tonight I looked at the "new" people and there are just so many more coming.  Every minute.  Everyday. It is all enough to make me crazy!  I did have one positive today....A girl I used to babysit, when she was 2, came by tonight.  She & I have remained close over the years.  She is 20 now.  Anyway, she came by, with her Dad, to tell me she is pregnant.  She hadn't even told her Mom yet.  I think she just wanted to know she has support before she tells her.  Her mom and I are friends but she is a bit over the top sometimes.  She is a very good mom but, I think, it will take her a bit to warm up to this.  I told my young friend I would be there for her.  It was cute when she told me.  She said, "You're going to be a Grandma."  I will take part-time, adopted, grandma any day.  This is #3, of three different young women, and I am flattered.  Another positive that happened this week....I have been tracing my family history and hooked up with a cousin I never knew.  Her great-grandfather was my grandfather's brother.  So, that is cool.  We know for sure because we have a couple of the same photos.  Cherokee ancestory can be hard to trace, I can tell you that!  When the women married a white man they all claimed they were white because to be an Indian was to be a disgrace!  How awful!  I am proud of my heritage.  Anyway, I am trying.... Peaceful wishes to everyone reading and those who are not.