trucking along
It was sunny today. I woke up after a little bit of a struggle. I didn't get out of bed until after noon today, but I'm going to try not to feel too badly about it. It was still earlier than when I was trying to get out of bed by myself the week before. I guess there's no point in focusing on the exact time I get out of bed each day. I got out of bed. And I've stayed out of bed all day without feeling too bad. I think the sun helped.
My fiance went back to work after a week of staying home with me. I was a little nervous about it last night, but got to bed without being too anxious. I tried not to focus on it too much and make more out of it than it is: life back to normal.
I thought I might make it out of the house by myself today since a bunch of books I reserved at the library showed up, but I decided to wait until my fiance gets home and we go for our walk. The thought of the hill up part of the walk to/fro the library kept me from going by myself. That and the fact that it's freezing outside today. But at least there's sun.
I spent most of my time today online on the DS pages. It makes me feel better to try and put something positive out there where I can. But I have to say I feel a little guilty (there's that word) about not "doing" anything today. I have to keep reminding myself that even though I've started to feel a bit better, I have to take it easy and be patient. I'm not going to make huge leaps and bounds forward every single day. Expecting that will probably only lead to disappointment. Instead, I should remember that just a little while ago, I couldn't even get out of bed much less take an interest in anything online. The fact that I felt good enough to give encouragement to others has to mean something. At the very least, it means I have some hope.
And I did spend some time reading about authors and books. That's always been one of my loves: reading. Taking an interest again is a good sign. I hope I will be calm enough/have enough focus to read some of what I'm going to check out from the library. It's been really hard to read for a while now. I can't concentrate and feel restless. My brother used to complain about this side effect of his bipolar/depression, but I never understood how he felt until now. It's pretty frustrating since I end up feeling bad if I spend too much time watching tv; I'd like to be able to read again and hopefully activate a different part of my brain.
At the end of the day, while I'm struggling through this depression and anxiety, I'm going to try to talk myself out of the negative feelings of guilt I have about the things I can/can't do or accomplish. It takes too much energy to feel bad about everything all of the time. I need that energy to try and feel better.
But in my weaker moments, I think I'm just giving myself an out for not trying harder or being lazy. Those are the thoughts that crowd out the positive ones I'm trying to foster. I acknowledge that those feelings are there under the surface, but I'm going to keep trying to overcome them.
My fiance went back to work after a week of staying home with me. I was a little nervous about it last night, but got to bed without being too anxious. I tried not to focus on it too much and make more out of it than it is: life back to normal.
I thought I might make it out of the house by myself today since a bunch of books I reserved at the library showed up, but I decided to wait until my fiance gets home and we go for our walk. The thought of the hill up part of the walk to/fro the library kept me from going by myself. That and the fact that it's freezing outside today. But at least there's sun.
I spent most of my time today online on the DS pages. It makes me feel better to try and put something positive out there where I can. But I have to say I feel a little guilty (there's that word) about not "doing" anything today. I have to keep reminding myself that even though I've started to feel a bit better, I have to take it easy and be patient. I'm not going to make huge leaps and bounds forward every single day. Expecting that will probably only lead to disappointment. Instead, I should remember that just a little while ago, I couldn't even get out of bed much less take an interest in anything online. The fact that I felt good enough to give encouragement to others has to mean something. At the very least, it means I have some hope.
And I did spend some time reading about authors and books. That's always been one of my loves: reading. Taking an interest again is a good sign. I hope I will be calm enough/have enough focus to read some of what I'm going to check out from the library. It's been really hard to read for a while now. I can't concentrate and feel restless. My brother used to complain about this side effect of his bipolar/depression, but I never understood how he felt until now. It's pretty frustrating since I end up feeling bad if I spend too much time watching tv; I'd like to be able to read again and hopefully activate a different part of my brain.
At the end of the day, while I'm struggling through this depression and anxiety, I'm going to try to talk myself out of the negative feelings of guilt I have about the things I can/can't do or accomplish. It takes too much energy to feel bad about everything all of the time. I need that energy to try and feel better.
But in my weaker moments, I think I'm just giving myself an out for not trying harder or being lazy. Those are the thoughts that crowd out the positive ones I'm trying to foster. I acknowledge that those feelings are there under the surface, but I'm going to keep trying to overcome them.
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