trouble sleeping...Clarity has it\'s side effects...

Clarity has it's side effects...  I realized tonight that while the new Geodon seems to be giving me some odd clarity or organizational thinking, I am having real problems getting to sleep.  I had a headache since I started this stuff so I am not pleased with that side effect.  And this is summer,  a very bad time for me to not sleep as I will quickly flip to manic dyphoria.   From this great resource is a what I am called, a Rapid Cycler:http://helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htmRapid Cycling – Frequent episodes of mania, hypomania, or depression Rapid cycling is a subtype of bipolar disorder characterized by four or more episodes of mania, hypomania, or depression within one year. The shifts from low to high can occur over a matter of days or hours. Rapid cycling can occur within any type of bipolar disorder. It usually develops later in the course of bipolar disorder, but it is sometimes just a temporary condition. " So I know this path all too well.  The problem is always what to do about it.  I can go without much sleep for a couple days easy.  But then it starts turning ugly and I get depressed AND can't sleep.  I have tricks like frequent showers and staying in cool, dark places.  But it is hard to control.  I have drugs but I swear I cannot take all these all the time.  By the time I figure out it is time to take something out of the 'arsenal'  I am often pretty gone and out of whack.  It is a management thing for sure.  If I don't manage it, like someone with diabetes or the like, I can get into very bad shape.  That is when I am in trouble. I can do something dumb ar work or go into escapism and travel and get into some high risk situations.  It has been a problem.  My shrink is great and has helped a lot.  But there are no silver bullets here.   So, what to do.   I have some major family traveling to do in the next 3 weeks.  I am not going to freak out or anything but this just adds a layer of stress onto my trip.  Travel can be hard in and of itself as it messes up sleep and everyone is forced to be on a similar schedule (hotel rooms.....).    I know I CHOSE to go on through all this.  If I didn't 'carry on' with life through all this I would probably miss most of my life.  But sometimes it feels so tempting to want to say "DONE,  I AM WALKING OUT AND GOING HOME TO SIT!"     You know, I could do this if I ask the shrink.   But  THEN what would I do ???   I have not been able to stop and sit my entire life.  I have had fleeting success with meditation.  I know the clarity of a good zazen.  If you have practiced, this gets dicey.  It sounds like attachment to the clarity feeling.  But I do not mean that.  I am just using words in the humble attempt to describe the 'relief from suffering' when I am able to let go and focus on something.  I like to sit in a chair (yes, a comfortable back supporting chair all you purest!)  and focus on the tic-toc of a mantle clock.  I can sometimes just feel my heart beating.  That is a bit more organic like breathing.  THough I digress... So if I did 'walk away' from everything and claim temporary insanity or something, I know I would have to work at doing NOTHING.  If you are OCD or MANIC you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. I need to think a bit, get some water, so I will post this now.  Does anyone else relate at all to my feelings????Cheers....notfound404