trouble sleeping
still having trouble sleeping. Still eating the wrong foods. still in a bit of a funk. I have picked up a few more shifts at the library in the coming week and then going on a bit of a road trip to visit my mom next weekend. I am hoping that lifts my spirits. My life has gotten very small and that is good right now. My contractor phoned and they are going to start work on the house next month. I am going for my first counselling session on the 30th and am not looking forward to it. Not feeling much of anything these days which is a relief from all the emotions of the last 6 months. Is it the calm before another storm? I really hope not. I think the reality of what has happened is sinking in, that i am not seeing Larry again, that i am flying solo for the rest of my days. Not a bad thing as i know i can never go through the devastation of losing a soul mate again. I would rather feel nothing then that. Pretty depressing entry this week. Patti
Replies
Sorry Patti. I can relate with all the emotions (including feeling nothing) that you have written. The crazy part is that we never really know when another wave will come and what it will bring with it. Enjoy your reprieve and try not to question too much your lack of emotion right now. It\'s time to rest and take a break. Hope you enjoy your visit with mom! Hugs, D
P.S. I either want to sleep all the time, or I can\'t sleep. Again, unpredictable. :(
I am sorry for the way you are feeling. I have those up and down moments. More down than up. I can\'t sleep at all. I have to take something at night to help me. It is scary knowing that I will be alone and my husband Wally is never coming back. Last night I went outside and looked up to the stars. It was 5 months yesterday and I am still in disbelief. I keep being told one day at a time. With every day that passes, I tend to feel worse. We seem to be all in the same boat.
Honestly, i just read all the journal entries that i have written in the last 4 months and i do feel i am in a slightly better place then i was. I am a bit depressed but am able to express it better then i was in April. I was concentrating on things rather then on me. Now i am thinking about where i am on this journey. I do understand that it is a slow process, and that i can only live it. It is hard! thanks for your imput ladies, it means a lot-Patti
Patti, Hang in there! I am at twelve weeks today in fact and still on such a roller coaster ride I can\'t wait to get off. Not sleeping, exhausted, eating all the wrong things and cry so much it hurts. but reading your posts and following your progress gives me hope. Enjoy your trip to visit mom. I wish my mom was still here to comfort me! Hugs and Love, Michele
Patti, you are not flying solo. Just like my Yan is always flying with me, your Larry will always be with you. They are just at a spiritual level, the word you use \"flying\" is perfect to describe that level. They are flying with us. Hugs sent to you over sea from Hong Kong, flying to you, Tiger
It isn\'t a depressing entry Patti. It is a honest entry. One trigger we both share is realizing we will not see them again. But I believe they are with us in spirit. Turning on my cell phone tonight it showed my husband\'s Facebook page. I have not been on it in months. If was as if he were sending me a sign that he is near. Gave me comfort. Flying solo? Yes, but are we ever blessed to have had such a deep love in our lives. Love, Diane